A Stitch in Time
by Magica Esoterica
Summary: Van's life had been linear up till the point he ends up facing a Time Beast; then he gets thrown into Zell's timeline with no way out. Yaoi. R&R.
1. Fallen Angels

This is my first attempt at writing a fanfic and I got tired of seeing the same old pairings done a thousand times over. So, I decided to create an OC and see how it goes. It consists of sexual/romantic/touchy-feeliness between males. If that offends you, then...well, I think it's pretty funny and you should read on anyways. Oh, and for the record, I own Van, Darren and Jace and their respective timeline. Anything that appears in the Final Fantasy 8 timeline is owned by Squaresoft.

Chapter One - Fallen Angels

"Suffer the punishment of Heaven!"

The boy raised his staff upward; the decorative end fashioned in the image of a dove pointing towards the sky. His dark brown hair blew wildly back, first tickling the grass before streaking outwards behind him. As the power began to coalesce between the outstretched wings of the dove, the boy closed his eyes in prayer. He let his soul meld with the goddess he served unerringly; allowed his thoughts to be consumed by Her divine grace. The other men with him watched intently. One with a look of awe; the other, a smirk. The long-haired boy lowered the tapered end of the staff into the earth and opened his eyes. The light, having finished being amassed, exploded outwards silently...and then, winked out.

"Heh, that was awesome, man. I'm blown away here," the previously smirking boy said casually.

The other man waited patiently.

The beast they were fighting was not inclined to offer the same courtesy. It lowered it's snarling fangs and charged for the staff-wielder. It opened it's maw as it approached it's meal, in anticipation of sinking it's fangs into it's victim's soft flesh when it happened.

What could only be described as the wrath of an angry god erupted forth from the sky; a shining pillar of light streaked down towards the earth like a fallen angel. It crashed into the beast and, subsequently, the ground beneath it. The light blossomed forth, changing the shape of the beam into a growing hemisphere of holy judgement. The two men shielded their eyes with their arms; their hands simply not being enough to block out the divine glow.

The boy, however, simply gazed on, eyes unseeing the light that existed before him in this world; being fixated on the light he could see in the next.

When the last of the light had faded, and the two men lowered their arms to survey the scene, the only solid proof that remained to indicate their encounter was a quickly diminishing pile of ash where the beast once stood.

"Inconceivable," said the man who had remained silent up until now; his hand raking across the scalp of his bald head.

"...it wasn't BAD," said the other man, "I mean, I could do that...I just don't wanna."

"We should continue on," the boy stated abruptly; his eyes snapping back into focus of the world around him.

"That was incredible, Your Holiness. The stories about you have been truthful, I see," stated the bald man.

"Oh, Darren. Stop calling me that. Just...stick with Van, alright?"

Van glanced at the older man, knowing full well his pleas would fall of deaf ears.

Darren cleared his throat. "It would be incredibly disrespectful to call one who has reached the rank of Heavenly Saint by his given name."

The other boy rolled his eyes. "You call me Jace even though I'm high up in my faction."

"There's a difference. You're a Unholy Exarch. Your faction, the Seventh Circle, has a quota that must be filled with a set number of them. When one of your rank steps down, or dies, a new one is instantly promoted," Darren recited.

"So?"

"In the Church of the Sacred Mother, a Heavenly Saint is not a rank that one is promoted to, nor is there a set number which must hold office. Only one who has proven themselves in the eyes of their Goddess, and is hand picked by Her may hold that claim. The last Heavenly Saint existed around 300 years ago. The very fact that he has achieved this rank is a miracle, and having done so at his age...not even reaching the end of his second decade, is just..."

"Hey, yeah," Jace interrupted, "I thought faggots were shunned by Heaven. How the hell'd you get so high up?"

Van crossed his arms. "I thought douchebags were shunned by society at large, and yet, here you are. The Goddess truly is generous with Her miracles."

Jace snorted. "Aw, don't get your homo ass all outta shape. It was just a question...hey, get it! All outta shape? 'Cause your ass is all loose and shit because of all the cock. Man, I kill me."

"Why are you such an ass to me? What did I do to you?" Van snapped at the boy holding himself up with his hands on his thighs through his fit of laughter.

"Hey, man, I'm just sayin'. You look like an ad for queer sex."

Van looked down at himself. He didn't't see anything wrong with his look. His silk white top covered his chest and biceps while exposing his midriff in the front. The backside of it coming down to his hips where it wrapped around to the front and carried on the whole way down to the ground as was typical of a priest's robes.

"I don't-" he started.

"Dude, I'm just sayin', you got long-ass hair to the ground, you wear a skirt, and every fucking word out of your mouth is asking for something from your god. A man is supposed to be self sufficient."

"I'm a priest, you asshole, of course I'm asking for assistance from my Goddess! What did you expect me to do? And this outfit is designed for battle. It allows for movement and flexibility." Van snapped; his eyes flashing.

"Oh, yeah? And is the bare midriff necessary for that, too?" Jace smirked. "I'm just saying, I could grab your hair and blow a load right on your stomach and, as long as you didn't talk, I could still walk away from it feeling like a man.

"Then, perhaps it is not _Van's_ sexuality we should be calling into question," Darren interjected.

"Yeah-hey, what? Wait a sec, I ain't no faggot," Jace exclaimed.

Van huffed, impatiently,"Can we just finish this mission? I'd like to get back to my Church and I'm sure Darren has better shit to do as well."

"Yeah, whatever. What the fuck does a Dicer of the China Thought do anyways?" asked Jace.

Darren blinked. Van wore an expression that clearly asked "Are You Really This Stupid?"

Thankfully, it was Darren that recovered first. "I think you mean, Disciple of the Crystal Mind. And if so, I am a psychic monk; trained in the arts of telepathy."

"Whatever.., what's our mission again?"

"We are to seek and eliminate, if at all possible, an extraordinary creature known as a Temporal Phase," Darren recited again, as though from a book he committed to memory. "It is a powerful adversary created by conflicting timelines. That is to say, it's very existence is a paradox."

"Meaning...?" Jace asked as his leaned on his sword.

"It means, you idiot, that this creature is not to be taken lightly," Van snapped.

"Right, so where is it?"

"Well, 'Where', might not be the correct word. '_When' _is probably more accurate. You see, the creature cannot be located simply by searching," Darren explained.

"Well, what the flying fuck are we supposed to do then? Is it lured out by the scent of faggot?" Jace grumbled.

"Shut up, it's here."

Van's eyes cast about the area they had been walking through. "I can definitely sense it's presence."

"Homo senses tingling, are they?" Jace quipped, though his blade was in hand and his mind was clearly on his surroundings. "What does it look like?"

"Ah, yes, well, a Temporal Phase can only take on a form of something that has been, is now, and will be. So, it can't be a car for example as they didn't exist years ago," Darren stated simply.

"Good to fucking know! I'm so glad you told me what it ISN'T. Can we try for what it IS now, or do we have to go through an entire process of elimination first?" Jace snapped.

"I was getting to it. By looking back through the timelines we can safely say that the only thing that was around before Creation that is around today and will be around after the end will be...?" Darren paused as though testing his students instead of informing his squad.

"I don't fucking know!" Jace damn near exploded. "Do I look like the kinda guy who gives two flying-"

"Darkness, Jace. It'll look like a shadow." Van interjected, softly. "In fact..."

Van pointed his finger over toward a large boulder in the field. From behind it crept a figure, black as the void beyond the stars. It slid it's vaguely humanoid form around the rock, and began to approach the trio.

'And so, it begins," intoned Darren.

The creature lurched forward, swinging two misty black appendages at Jace. Jace stepped to the side easily and swung his blade horizontally, clearly attempting to cleave the creature in half. The blade sunk into the creature's black form...and passed right through.

The creature let out a guttural laugh.

"W-what, the-" Jace sputtered. "That should have blown it away."

"Ahh yes, I thought we might hit this little snag," said Darren. "You see, because it is a paradox, you cannot simply aim for where it's standing. You must aim for where it will be in the future."

"Aim for...are you guys fucking shitting me!" Jace's complexion going noticeably paler. "How the fuck am I supposed to aim for somewhere it hasn't been yet?"

Darren and Van glanced at each other, sharing some unspoken conversation that had nothing to do with telepathy.

Darren sighed. "Making an old man like me enter the fray! Youth really is wasted on the young."

The monk charged forward, quickly closing the distance between where he stood and the creature. Upon entering melee he shoved Jace with his right hand sending the boy flying backwards. Darren turned his back on the creature and struck his fist forward. The creature behind him, to all appearances having not been hit, let out a terrible howl and phased from it's spot to directly where Darren had struck a moment prior. It's star-like eyes glared down at the older man.

Darren closed his eyes and reached down into his center, focusing his thoughts on the creature's. In his mind's eye he read the movement of the creature and stepped to the left to avoid a claw, then back to avoid it's follow up. Blow after blow he evaded, stepping aside like a nimble cat until his moment arrived. He read the creature planning to move, and he spun to meet it. He focused all his mental ki into a conic blast some 45 degrees to the left of where he was originally facing and the creature grasped it's head in pain before phasing into the spot where Darren just assaulted.

"Why the fuck does it keep moving into the attacks if it already knows where we're going to hit?" Jace shouted.

"Because it's a paradox, Jace," answered Van. "By being that, it has certain benefits and certain flaws. It knows that, because of what it is, it has to follow it's own timeline, even if that means getting hit. If it doesn't it'll unravel it's paradox. Which means it'll destroy itself."

"Fucking weird-ass shit" Jace muttered, mentally noting that after this, he was avoiding any more missions with the Church of the Sacred Mother.

"Perhaps His Holiness would care to give an old man a break and show us how to truly handle such a creature?" Darren called out.

Van nodded, "Of course."

He fell to his knees and began to pray. His hands fastened in front of his face; his lips moving quickly and silently in communication with his Goddess. She responded to his call by sending a cloud. A simple, fluffy, white little cloud that floated lazily above the battlefield.

Jace noticed the cloud and was about to comment on Van's apparent innovative success, when the little cloud got a bit bigger, and a bit redder, and a bit golder, and a bit bluer.

It swelled and swelled, gathering the very particles from the air and converting them into it's own mass. It expanded quickly over the field in every direction for what had to be miles, growing in size and color intensity with every passing second. Finally, when all that could be seen was a water-painted colored sky in the form of a cloud, Van stood up, and spun his body to face the Phase which was currently dodging the monks well timed fists.

"This is the end," whispered Van. "Game over!"

Van brought his hand down violently...and the sky came with it.

The beautiful mass dropped out of the sky and slammed itself silently into the earth, sending powerful divine currents into any living thing it touched within the area it enveloped. The air crackled with electricity and all anyone could hear was screams of dying creatures for miles around. And the smell...like burning flesh. Burning monster flesh at that.

Jace was less than happy. He knew the clouds were purposefully avoiding him and for that he was thankful, but he was currently standing in what looked like Hubert the Happy Homo's Funhouse, which annoyed him. All the pinks, and blues, and golds. Couldn't the queer have picked a more masculine color?

Van waited for the sounds of sizzling flesh to die down, and removed the clouds with a sweep of his hand. They dissipated as quickly as they formed, leaving only him, Darren and Jace standing amidst the carnage.

"Well, that was gay," said Jace, taking note of his surroundings. "But, you racked up a high death toll, so, I can let you keep your 'Man Card' for now. Where did the Temporal Fag go?"

"Temporal _Phase_, you idiot, and I'm sure it's dead. My Goddess is powerful," Van stated with a look of reverent bliss in his eyes.

"Riiiight. How did you know your little cloud trick would work on it? I thought you had to hit it where it was going to be, or some shit?"

"Do I have to explain everything for you? It's called an AOE. It hits everything."

"Well, perhaps we should be heading back, now that we've finished up?" Darren cut in, hoping to avoid further bloodshed.

"Yes, lets. I wish to get back to the Church and file my report."

Van turned to begin walking back the way they came when he was phase tackled. The Temporal Phase clambered on top of the sprawled Saint, and let out a throaty laugh.

"_Game...over_," it repeated.

It leaned forward, engulfing Van before crackling with energy all it's own. The air around it warped and twisted and buffeted Darren who attempted to reach his fallen ally. The creature let out one last laugh, and twisted the timeline hard, causing it and Van to wink out.

Jace ran up beside Darren. "Oh shit-cock, piss-fucking whore-nuggets...what the _fuck _was that!"

Darren remained silent, eyes still glued to the spot where Van had been only a moment before.

"Where the fuck is he? Old man! Yo!"

Darren stood up slowly, eyes still never leaving the spot they remained fixated to.

"Hey! Darren! Did...did we just lose the Saint?" Jace squeaked, having gone even paler then he did before.

"...this cannot be...we have...," Darren muttered.

"What? What have we done?" Jace demanded. "Van's still alive right? We can get him back!"

Darren lowered his gaze to the ground and stared at it for several very long moments before turning back up to Jace and looking him straight in the eye.

"Whore-nuggets, indeed."

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

"Awwww come on, Zell! You gotta get outta this funk!" Selphie exclaimed.

It was partly true. Zell hadn't been himself in a while, for reasons he could only guess at. He just hadn't been feeling as bouncy as usual. Maybe he was depressed? The Cafeteria did mention a cut back on hotdogs next month. Which is what brings both him and Selphie here today, in the training grounds. Selphie has decided for him, that he either needed a good battle, or a good fuck.

"We're gonna find us a T-Rexaur, and by the time we finish with it-" Selphie started. But whatever it was that was going to happen when they finished with it, Zell never found out.

At that moment, a blinding flash of light exploded in front of both of them, drawing a shriek from one of them, and till his dying day, he will never be sure from which one.

As the light receded, Zell could make out a figure of a person laying in midair. He stumbled a step forward and reached out with his hand and felt something incredibly soft. As the light diminished completely he realized that he was holding onto the floating boy's hair...and he had a lot of it.

"Well, shit," said Selphie mildly. "And here I was not expecting unconscious boys appearing from flashes of light and floating in midair till mid-semester. This is gonna ruin the surprise for my students! Think we can ditch the body into a T-Rexaur's stomach before anyone notices?"

"...he's...light...hair," Zell said. As he took in the boy's appearance. He couldn't have been any older than Zell. And, maybe it was the soft features or the long flowing hair, but he was staggeringly beautiful. Zell shook his head. Beautiful? There is no way that he, Zell Dincht, thought another guy was beautiful. Maybe he would go see Dr. Kadowaki after all.

"That...wasn't even a sentence, Zell," Selphie said, giving her friend a quizzical look.

"Huh? Oh, sorry, Selph. Just thinking. Yeah, we should totally get him to the Infirmary. He might be hurt."

Selphie blinked.

"Can you watch out for any critters while I carry him?" Zell took the boy into his arms and was surprised to find him almost as light as the air that was holding him up.

"Sure, but-" Selphie started. Then she stopped as a thought crossed her mind. "No waaaaay! Zell are you...? Er, Zell?" She looked around and realized that her friend had already taken off and was almost out of the training grounds by now.

"Hmm...I think Garden just got a whoooooole lot more interesting." And, with that, she took off after him.

~And that is the first chapter. Sorry for the long intro having nothing to do with FF8 but I wanted to lay out some ground work. From this point on, it should focus mostly around the FF8 timeline. Unless, you know, I feel like including something else. In which case, sue me.


	2. From Whence He Came

Chapter 2 - From Whence He Came

Van awoke in a very medically designed room in a very medically designed bed. His head was pounding for some unknown reason as he was certain his group hadn't sought out the Temporal Phase to get smashed with it.

The Temporal Phase! He bolted upright and immediately regretted his course of action as he was rewarded for his efforts by his headache when it intensified itself.

"Easy there, darlin'," came a voice somewhere off to his left.

Van turned his head to get a view of what he was certain was his captor.

Sitting in a chair with a newspaper resting on one knee, was a man in a duster and a black cowboy hat.

"Feelin' better, are we?" the man asked. "The name's Irvine. You got one of those?"

"An Irvine?" Van asked, feeling a little cheeky and a lot more spiteful. How dare this ruggedly handsome man kidnap him and use him for his twisted medical experiments? There were laws against this, and he knew his rights.

The cowboy just laughed. "Cute, kid. But, I was more interested in yer name than in yer attempt at bein' sarcastic." Irvine leaned back, grinning from ear to ear.

"You better release me at once. My Church will be out looking for me and they aren't lenient with kidnappers and molesters!"

"Good! They damn well should be comin' down on those pricks. Why, just last week we lost 6 new recruits comin' back from a picnic in the fields outside o' here." said Irvine with a hint of amusement in his tone.

"Really? That's awful." said Van softly, shock clearly evident on his face.

"No, of course not. I'm just teasin' ya," laughed Irvine. "So, you gonna tell me yer name or not, darlin'?"

Van rolled his eyes. "It's Van. And by your rather loose efforts at having a sense of humor, I take it you haven't kidnapped me and hauled me off somewhere?"

"Of course not! You just kinda appeared in the middle of our trainin' grounds and landed on our resident martial artist, from what I heard."

"I did?" asked Van. This was clearly going to be one of those days.

"Ya did, darlin'. He came in here hootin' and hollerin' about some teleportin' boy with hair longer than _he_ was tall. I thought my hair was long, but you got me beat." said Irvine, appraising Van's hair with a critical eye.

"Teleporting boy? But, I-"

At that precise moment, the door opened and Dr. Kadowaki strode purposefully into the room with a very bouncy Zell hot on her heels, trying to steal looks over her shoulders.

"Thank you, Irvine, that will be all. If you could inform the Commander that our patient is now awake while I examine him? And for Hyne's sake, take Zell with you!" stated the Doctor.

"Yes, ma'am." Irvine said as he put down the newspaper and stood up. "C'mon, Zell, yer boyfriend needs some time with Doctor K."

"Oh, shut up," Zell said without taking his eyes of Van. "Heya, I'm Zell. You kinda interrupted mine and Selph's training earlier. Thanks!"

Van choked back the very intense urge to laugh. This guy was _HYPER _and clearly didn't take his training very seriously. Which made zero sense as his body was built like a brick shit house. He assumed this was the martial artist he inadvertently dropped in on to say hello.

"Ah, yes. Well, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. My name is Van."

Zell opened his mouth to say something else when he was abruptly cut off.

"Good_bye_, Mr. Dincht," the doctor said with a stern glare.

"C'mon, darlin'," the cowboy said as he grabbed Zell's arm and dragged him out the door. "Let's go tell Squall."

They left and the door closed after them. The doctor turned to look at her patient.

"Right then. I'm just going to give you a once over to determine there aren't any injuries done to you, alright?"

"Huh?" said Van, his mind snapping back into focus from the events that just took place. "Oh, no, that's alright, I can handle that myself."

The Saint closed his eyes and offered a quick word of prayer. "Goddess, bathe me in your holy light."

A pulse of white light issued from his skin leaving him feel tingly and refreshed. The doctor took on an expression that insinuated she just shit herself.

"That's weird," Van muttered. "That prayer should have been more powerful than that. These walls must have some sort of anti-magic spell built into them. Anyways, thank you very much, Doctor. I'm going to go and try to figure out where I am."

Doctor Kadowaki's mouth opened and closed a few times as she tried to force speech out of it and failed. "B-but, you...I'm supposed to..."

Van hopped out of the bed and made for the door. "Thanks again!"

And with that, he left the office, leaving the Doctor to mentally absorb what just took place.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Selphie was walking through the corridors on her way to the library when she saw him.

"_That's the floating kid_," she thought. "_He looks lost. I'll bet he doesn't even know who I am. Now's my chance!"_

Van was currently examining the map of the Garden with a confused expression when she walked up next to him.

"Hi, are you new here?" Selphie said coyly. "I was a transfer student too, so I know this place can seem kind of confusing at first. You have really beautiful hair, by the way. Have people ever told you that? I'm sure you get that alot. Do you want me to show you around?"

Van gaped at her. "Er, I...th-that is.." he stumbled.

"It's lunch time! Let's get something to eat! I'm starving, aren't you?" she bombarded him, while taking his arm and steering him towards the Cafeteria.

"I-I suppose I am a bit-"

"Great!"

Selphie directed (or rather, drove) him to the Cafeteria, put him in line, ordered both their foods, and plopped him down at a table to eat.

"It's just so great meeting new people! I can already tell we're gonna be great friends. I have a knack for knowing these things. What about you? Have you met anyone else here yet?" Selphie asked, putting on an air of innocence.

Van was having a hard time taking this girl in. She just plowed through conversation after conversation without so much as stopping for air. He began to suspect this girl was, in fact, a cyborg. And nobody could be this cheerful.

"Well, I did meet your physician. And a man in a cowboy hat-" Van started.

"Oh, you met Irvy? He's my ex. We're just friends now. I caught him in bed with another man. Have you ever done that to someone?" Selphie beamed as she took another sip of her pink lemonade.

"Caught someone in bed with another man? No, I don't think so." Van said carefully. Was this girl trying to trip him up by talking so quickly?

"_Hrm, gonna have to switch tactics, I see_." she thought, the smile never leaving her face. "Well, it's awkward, let me tell you! But, there is just something so hot about seeing two men going at it. I honestly had a hard time deciding whether to blow up or get out my cell phone and start taking pictures!"

Van smiled. "You have a very unique perception of the world around you."

'That's me! So, have you met anyone else?"

"There was another guy. Zell, I think his name was-"

"You met Zell! Oh, he's so much fun. And he's downright gorgeous. He's been a little off for a while though. I think he's either coming down with something or he's depressed over something. He won't tell me what it is though. Don't you think he's good looking? I love his tattoos," she said in another of her whirls.

"_This girl is definitely up to something_," thought Van. "_Two can play at this game_."

"Really? He didn't seem depressed to me at all. In fact, he seemed really happy. He mentioned just being relieved to have ditched Selphie and her annoying chattiness. "

"He said what!" Selphie shrieked. "That asshole! I am not annoying-er, wait..."

Van smiled pleasantly. "Oops. Busted, dear."

"Oh, you're good," she admitted.

"So, what is all this about? Why didn't you just tell me who you were in the first place?"

"Well, I thought-."

What she thought, however, was interrupted by the sounds of purposeful striding of boots and heels approaching their table. Selphie turned her head towards the sound and immediately changed her tone.

"Hey Squall! What's up?" she asked cheerfully.

The Commander looked less than cheerful back at her. Quistis spared a second to meet Selphie's eyes before turning them back on their guest.

Van was more than a little impressed. This man was tall, dark, reserved, and so young. He must have some incredible ability to be a commander at his age. He also vaguely wondered how he got that scar. Surely he could have gotten it healed?

"You'll have to come with us," Squall stated before turning and began walking away. "Oh, and Selphie? We'll talk about this later."

Selphie sank down in her seat. "Yes, Commander..."

Quistis allowed herself a tiny smile before attempting to smooth over her leader's brashness. "Van, I take it? If we could have a moment of your time? There's some things we would like to discuss with you in Squall's office."

"Oh, certainly," Van replied, standing up and tossing his hair back over his shoulder. "It was nice to meet you Selphie."

"You too. Let's hang out again after I get out of whatever punishment Squall's gonna give me."

Van smiled and turned to Quistis. "Ready." She nodded and led him out of the Cafeteria. They walked in silence through the corridor until reaching the stairs. "His office is on the third floor." They walked up to the elevator and stepped in. Quistis reached and pressed the button marked "3".

A short elevator ride later, they stepped out and down the hallway, past reception and arrived at a closed door. Quistis knocked, opened it, and then stepped inside.

Van followed her into a large room, evidently an office, complete with desk, comfortable looking chairs, and him. The Commander.

Van realized this was much like being back in the office of the Holy Maiden in his Church...well, before he attained the title of Heavenly Saint and outranked even her.

"Explain," Squall said shortly.

Van wasn't sure what he was referring to, when another voice started talking from behind him. Van whirled around and saw Zell standing by the door. He didn't even see him when he walked in.

"It's like I said, Squall. He just _appeared _in the training grounds."

"People don't just _appear_, Zell. They have to come from _somewhere_." Squall checked a piece of paper on his desk. "Van, was it? Who are you? Where did you come from? Who sent you?"

Van was stunned. Sure, he had expected some questions. Hell, _he _had questions, but, this guy almost sounded like he was _blaming _him for ending up here. "I...um..." he tried to say.

"WHOA, Squall, stop man. You're attacking him!" Zell piped up as he came over to Van's side and put his hand on his shoulder. "It's alright, Van. He's just a little over worked."

"I don't even know where I am!" Van blurted out. He was right. This _is _one of those days!

"This is Balamb Garden," said Quistis, also placing a hand on Van's other shoulder. "Do you remember anything before waking up here?"

"Well...I was fighting a Temporal Phase."

"A _what_?" the three said in unison.

Van sighed. "This is what happened...,"

If he was going to be here, he might as well not be treated like a spy.


	3. Siren's Efforts

Chapter 3 - Siren's Efforts

"_My, this is quite the revelation,"_ she said, almost as though to herself.

"_Is that what you call it, Shiva? I can think of other words," _came the inevitable reply.

"_Hmm? I was not aware you knew of many words to begin with, Ifrit."_

"_You dare accuse me of having a lack of words, when your favored will remain silent for days if he can get away with it?" _Ifrit snarled.

"_He is stoic. I can think of no one better to wield my frozen power," _Shiva countered simply.

"_The conversation is getting out of hand, surely we can discuss the new boy to our land?" _sang a sweet new voice.

Ifrit growled but did not argue. "_How did he get here? Where did he even come from!"_

"_I believe," _said Shiva, "_that that is what we were trying to figure out before you lost your cool and Siren had to silence your tirade."_

"_It is irrelevant how he got here. What matters is what we're going to do about this. Do you not sense his power?"_ wheezed a fourth voice into the mix.

"_Yes, yes I do," _snarled Ifrit, "_It is unlike anything I have sensed before. But, it is even human?"_

"_I highly doubt it," _wheezed the voice. "_But, I intend to make him my chosen."_

"_That would be very unwise, Diablos. That power you sense is his faith. If he is not from this world, that very power may pose health concerns," _Shiva warned.

"_If his faith is as strong as we think it is, it will carry him through it," _Diablos wheezed.

"_Has being in that lamp of yours crushed your brain?" _Ifrit roared.

Siren laughed musically. _"Oh, his faith is strong, this much is true. But, you won't consume him. He'll consume you._

"_What are you prattling about?" _the time god wheezed.

"_To junction a boy not from our world, with faith like his, will cause you to unfurl."_

"_Besides, Diablos, home your senses in a little deeper. He has already been claimed," _said Shiva.

"_Yes. I can sense it now. But, it is not by one that I recognize."_

"_Are you suggesting there is a Guardian we don't know about?" _snarled Ifrit.

"_I think for now, we should let things be. And later on? Well, we shall wait and see," _sang Siren "_I mean, we're going in circles and nothing will stick, but I find that time often does the trick."_

"_I suppose we have no choice," _Shiva said with a sigh. "_We need to know more."_

"_Then I shall leave it in your capable hands," _wheezed Diablos as his presence faded from the group.

Ifrit let out one last snarl before he too faded.

"_Good luck, child, you'll need it." _Shiva said before she faded as well.

Siren stayed where she was a moment longer. She focused her senses thoroughly on the boy, trying to get a read on what power may have claimed him. In the end, she had deduced nothing, but did make one tiny discovery. "_You have such strong faith but little else. You possess no strength to defend yourself."_

Siren sighed sadly, and was about to fade away when an idea struck her. "_I wonder..."_

She took a deep breath and let out an unearthly call. One that only she, with her voice, was capable of. It rang out into the darkness and across the ages, calling, calling for the Guardian that she did not know. The one who had claimed their wanderer so far from home.

She waited until the last of her echoes faded into silence. She waited for a long time thereafter. Still she waited to see if anything had heard her call and had come looking. But nothing happened. No mythical Guardian came.

"_As I figured, but it was worth a try. There are not many who can escape my cry._

And then she faded too.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Zell was getting angry. Van had told them his story of how he came to end up here, and Squall had the fucking audacity to make him tell it again about 6 more times to see if he could poke any holes in it.

Apparently, the Commander had become convinced the kid was an international spy out to steal the secrets of Balamb Garden.

"Alright, one more time from the top," said Squall. "Last time. I promise." he added seeing Van's face fall.

"No. No more times. He's done." snapped Zell, coming to Van's defence. "What the hell is wrong with you, man? Why are you being such an arrogant prick?"

"Because, Zell, some of us have responsibility and take our jobs seriously." Squall snapped right back.

Zell looked like he might have well been slapped. Admittedly, Squall did feel a little bad for taking it that far. But, he wasn't going to voice that.

"Stop it, both of you! I am not a spy nor do I give a damn about your military fighting center-"

"Training center," corrected Quistis.

"Thank you, training center. But, I will not sit idly by and watch two friends, who have known each other for upwards of _ten_ years, might I add-"

"13 years," offered Quistis.

"Thank you, _more than_ 10 years, rip at each other like a pair of wild dogs because they can't agree on whether or not _I'm_ a terrorist. Now, both of you, apologize to each other!"

Van looked furious. Squall looked just as furious and was glaring daggers at the kid. Zell didn't know what to say or look. He also didn't think it mattered as someone just told- no, _demanded_-the Commander apologize to someone else. Zell didn't know whether to laugh or pick up the kid and run.

Squall could see that the kid wasn't going to budge on this. Van stood his ground and glared down the commander of Garden like a child who had stolen a cookie before supper. Either the kid was delusional, or he had some serious power that he was hiding under his soft features.

"...Whatever. I'm sorry I snapped at you Zell." Squall turned around and walked back over to his chair behind his desk.

Zell's eyes went wide. No way. There is no fucking _way_ that kid just got the 'Prince of Ice', Squall Leonheart to apologize...by scolding him! He forced a quick recovery before Squall realized the same thing and returned the apology. "Hey man, I'm sorry too. I just feel bad for Van having to wake up somewhere he doesn't know, and then get treated like he's gonna blow up the place."

"I'm glad you're friends again," hummed Van. But, if you'll excuse me, I really need to get back home. Could someone here point me to the outside? My prayers don't work in here because you guys put powerful anti-magic spells into your walls."

Squall blinked. "What are you talking about? We can't put magic into walls."

"You didn't? Then how did you get your barriers up all over the place? My magic is weak here," asked Van.

"Your magic? You mean your para-magic?" Zell looked at him curiously.

"What is para-magic? I'm talking about plain ol', everyday magic. You know?"

"Look, kid," Squall started, as he placed his hand to his forehead, "magic doesn't exist. It's para-magic or nothing."

"Magic...doesn't exist? Oh no. How far back in time have I been sent?"

Zell noticed the kid starting to look a little panicked and tried to calm him down. He walked over and placed his arm around his shoulders-_Hyne, he smelled good-_and gave him a gentle shake. "Hey, hey slow down. Breathe. What do you mean, back in time?"

"Th-the Temporal Phase. I thought it just warped me to somewhere else, but, it sent me back in time! I have to get out of here."

Van shrugged Zell off of him and dropped to his knees. "Oh, holy Goddess, hear my prayer."

Van brought his clasped hands out in front of him and unlinked them. He made a shape of a cup and began gathering light into it. It glowed slowly and very dimly. He snapped his hands upwards, changing the cup to into flat palms and the light burst outwards. Van's form shimmered...and then the light died completely.

"What's going on?" Van cried. "This...this can't be happening." Even if he _had_ been sent back in time, his Goddess was endless. She should still hear his prayers...unless...

"I...haven't been sent back in time...I've been sent to a different time_line_. My Goddess..doesn't exist here."

Van silently thanked the fact that he was already on his knees, because he was sure his legs wouldn't support him right now. The cold hard truth of the matter slammed into his gut like a lead weight. He was alone. Completely alone.


	4. Zell's Dilemma

Alright, so, as I'm sure you're aware, up until now the story's POV has been evenly divided on everyone. It's a little unorthadox, but I didn't want to focus too much on Van as he's already an OC. This chapter will focus mostly on Zell's POV, as he needs a little more time in the spotlight. ;)

Chapter 4 - Zell's Dilemma

A gasp escaped his lips as his right hand slid to the end of his hard cock. He was lightly tracing his left hand over his abs, trying to picture Jenny-or was it Julie?- choking on his dick again.

Zell had gotten back from the meeting earlier that day, after escorting Van (or what was left of him) to a room Squall had given him. Zell had tried to make small talk with the guy, but he just wasn't in a very conversational mood. And Zell couldn't blame him.

So, he just ended up coming back to his room, stripping out of his shirt and shoes and laying down on his bed.

As it was inevitable, he began playing with his dick. Yeah, he was always a little horny, but mainly he just loved his own cock. He couldn't count the times he'd had girls screaming, going wild while he fucked them. They loved his cock too.

He wrapped both hands around it, one over the other and looked down at it. A good two inches still peaked out from his hands. And it was _thick. _Yeah, he was pretty obsessed with it.

Which brought him back to Ginny. He'd had her sucking him off the moment they stepped through his door. It was almost impossible to walk over to his bed with her clamped onto it, smearing her lipstick, trying to take the whole thing, and failing miserably, into her mouth.

He went back to pumping it. His hand gliding up and down the shaft, trying to bring him closer to his orgasm. It was his goal to shoot the ceiling, and damned if he would stop before achieving his dream.

He pictured Jane gagging for the millionth time before he'd grabbed her, lifted her up and thrown her down on the bed. He'd climbed over her, aiming the head of his missile right at her tight pussy, and slammed it into her.

He was sure Squall heard her scream from that.

Van has nicer hair though. Zell remembered the way it felt, soft and silky, in his hand when he grabbed onto it when Van first appeared in the light. He pictured the way the kid looked, all peaceful; as though he were sleeping, bathed in whatever radiance surrounded him.

He thought of Van's jawline, soft and perfectly accentuated by his lips. And his impossibly long eyelashes. How had he managed that without makeup?

Zell felt the familiar beginnings of his climax down in his groin. "_Fuck! Not again."_

Zell shook his head and focused again on Jeanine. Her tight pussy. Her big tits. The way he'd pounded her for hours, until she begged him to stop because he was too big. And how he didn't stop until he'd blown his load into her.

Or when Van had smiled at him in the infirmary. Like a kid who didn't know how to handle an extremely excited puppy. Hyne, his smile was breathtaking. Or when he had faced down Squall and demanded he apologize to him for being a douche. Zell thought he'd caught a glimpse of a tatto on Van's lower back when he'd been standing behind him, but he wasn't sure.

He would definitely have to ask Van about it later when he was feeling better. Zell wondered what Van was doing right now. Probably sleeping. He pictured Van again with that peaceful look on his face. Then the feeling came back.

"Fuck this shit." Zell jumped up out of bed, cock swinging wildly as he made his way over to his computer. He logged into his chat program and found who he was looking for.

HotDogzZ69: hey babe. u busy?

Sweetgurl: hey what ya have in mind?

HotDogzZ69: cum ovr and suck my cock. wanna watch u choke on it again.

Sweetgurl: lol horny much? gimme 20.

HotDogzZ69: cool. see u in a bit jesse.

Sweetgurl: um my name is martha...

Shit. _That_ had been her name! How the fuck did he get Casey out of that? Just then, someone knocked at the door.

Zell scrambled to find his boxers. He picked them up off the floor and jumped into them, shoving his cock down as he pulled them all the way up. Good enough.

He opened the door. "Van? What are you doing here?"

Van sniffed a bit. "Hey, I couldn't sleep. Can I come in?"

Without waiting for an answer he pushed past Zell and walked into the room. He made his way over to the bed and sat down on it in the spot where, only a few moments before, Zell had been pulling on his cock.

Zell felt himself starting to harden and quickly stood behind the desk. "Sure, what's going on, man? I'm sorry about earlier. That must have been a huge blow to you. I can't imagine how it would feel to..."

"Yeah, thanks. Listen. I'm sorry to just burst in on you like this. I just can't think straight and well, I just feel like I can trust you." Van gave a weak laugh and stared at the floor. "You're like this bundle of energy and I can't help but feel safe around you. You're like a guardian angel. Like when you defended me from your Commander."

Van laughed again, a little stronger this time. "Sorry. I don't know where that came from...I don't even know you and here I am barging into your room in the middle of the night. Pretty stupid, huh?"

"You really think I'm a guardian angel?" Zell asked, voice gone completely serious. That was probably the nicest thing anyone had ever said about him.

Van laughed and looked up at him. "I just meant-are you naked?"

He jumped off the bed, blushing like hell and stammering. "I am so sorry, Zell, I didn't mean to-"

"No, no, I'm in my boxers! I'm not naked! See?" He stepped out from behind the desk to show him that he was still semi-clothed.

Van looked down at Zell's black, tight boxers which were doing nothing to hide the sheer mass of his erection. "Oh, my Goddess."

Zell looked down and saw what Van was referring to. "Oh, shit. No, listen," he tried to explain and he grabbed his laptop and covered himself with it. "I was just...I mean, before you came in I was in bed and..."

"The bed I was just in!" Van yelled. "I have to go. I am so, so, so sorry. Just...go back to doing whatever you were-I mean...I have to go!"

Van made a run for the door, his hair flying wildly behind him.

"No, Van wait, don't go!" Zell started as he reached for the bolting kid. He went to grab his shoulder but was too late; all he felt was Van's soft hair trailing through his fingers before whipping out the door and out of sight.

Zell stood there feeling like a moron. He put the computer back down on his desk and closed his door. He glanced at the glowing screen and shook his head.

Sweetgurl: are you still there?

Sweetgurl: hey answer me

Sweetgurl: i still wanna come over

The bitch still wanted his cock. Zell sat down at his desk and thought about what just happened.

HotDogzZ69: hurry up.

Fuck it. He needed some head after all that.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Zell had been sitting alone at a table the next morning in the Cafeteria, half listening to a group of new recruits at the next table brag about which one's dick was bigger. He toyed with the idea of whipping his out just to see what they'd say, but decided against getting cited for indecent exposure so early in the day. That was when Selphie came up to his table and plopped down. "Alright, spill."

Zell looked up at her from his bacon and eggs. "Spill what?"

"Don't play games with me, Zell, you know what I'm talking about."

Zell pondered. There was no way she could have found out his vaction being _accidentally _planned for the same week as the set up for the Winter festival. That was months away.

"I dunno what you're talking about, Selph."

"I'm talking about Van in your room last night while you had a raging hardon!"

"No, no! That was...something different. That had nothing to do with-fuck me, this shit is so messed up." Zell put his head in his hands and tried to gather his thoughts.

His friend looked at him from across the table and tried very carefully to phrase what she was about to say. "Zell, sweetie, is there anything you want to tell me?"

Zell looked up. "Huh? What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just you've been so bummed out for a while now, and ever since Van showed up, you've been chipper and your usual bouncy self again. And then you get a hardon in front of him-"

Zell had had enough. There was no way this was going any further; confusions in his head be damned. "Selphie, I ain't gay. I am not into men even slightly. The only thing I am interested in putting my cock in, is pussy. And after Van took off last night, after interrupting my beat off session, I had Marcy come over and suck my dick until I blew my load all over her face."

Selphie looked stunned.

"Good to know someone's getting laid," came a bored voice from behind Zell.

Selphie's eyes snapped upwards over Zell's head as he turned to see who was talking.

Seifer Almasy.

"S'up, kiddies," he said, as he slid into the chair next to Zell. "Chickie." He smirked at Zell.

"The fuck do you want, Seifer?" Zell glared at the taller blond.

"The same thing you want. Respect and admiration of my friends and family. You're a little SOL but that's no reason for me to give up."

"Blow me, asshole."

"Tempting, but I'd rather fuck a Cactuar. So, when were you going to tell me about our newest member of SeeD?"

Zell grumbled. "Probably never. It's not like he's gonna stay anyways. He's probably gonna try to figure out a way to get back to his home so he can be reunited with his precious church." Zell stabbed his egg with more force than he intended too and it cracked the plate it was sitting on.

Seifer raised an eyebrow.

Selphie, however, attempted to smooth over the situation. "Look Zell, I'm sure he does want to go home. Imagine being told you could never fight again. He must feel lost right now. But, why don't you actually spend some time with him and help him get used to this world while he's here. Who, knows? Maybe he'll find something worth sticking around for."

"That's not a bad idea, Selph. The kid mentioned fighting a creature earlier, maybe he'll want to do some training with me or something. I'm gonna go find him. Thanks!"

Zell jumped up, his breakfast forgotten, and bolted to the door.

Seifer lowered his gaze to the table for half a second before looking back up to Selphie. "So, Zell Dincht, huh?"

Selphie smiled a tiny smile and stole a piece of bacon from Zell's abandoned plate. "I guess so. I think it's cute."

"That's because your weird. But, today was the first day since that kid got here that Zell snapped back at me for calling him 'Chickie'. I was starting to think he was broken."

The brunette chewed her piece of bacon thoughtfully. "Well, if everything goes according to plan, I imagine Zell will be a lot more like his usual self these days."

"Don't you ever wake up in the middle of the night and realize just how wrong it is to plan other people's lives and who they fall in love with?" Seifer leaned back in his chair, smirking.

"Sometimes! But, then I figure out why it feels so wrong and just correct it before anyone has time to notice my slip-up." Selphie giggled.

"That's my girl."

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Zell had found Van and convinced (well, abducted) him to come with him to the training ground. They had found his favorite spot; a small clearing off the main path that most people didn't even notice.

Incidentally, this was also the first place Zell met Van, but he didn't feel inclined to tell him that just yet.

Van tossed his hair off his shoulder behind him. "I don't understand what you want me to do."

"Always train with a partner. You don't just come in here alone, Van. And I thought you could use a distraction." Zell peeled off his shirt, revealing his smooth toned chest and diamond hard six pack.

Zell watched Van take his body in. He saw Van's eyes flicker from his chest to his six pack to his V-ab below his navel. He watched his eyes travel along down the hard line disappearing into his shorts; pointing directly at the spot where his cock was resting.

"See anything you like?" Zell asked, amusement in his tone and a hint of mischief in his eyes.

"Huh? Oh, sorry, I was just, erm, praying." Van sputtered.

"Oh, yeah? For what?" Zell slowly scratched his hard stomach, casually lowering his hand to pull down his shorts a little bit further.

Van's eyes were wide as dinner plates. "Your weapon, I mean-a weapon, er, _my _weapon. I can't fight without a weapon!"

Zell choked back a laugh. This kid was so fun to tease. "Well, the only extra weapon I've got isn't any good for fighting monsters," he smirked, "Didn't you bring one with you?"

Van shook his head and sighed, the joke being lost on him. "No, usually I summon it into existence once I need it.."

"Hmm, give it a try."

The Saint sighed again. "Alright."

The boy closed his eyes for a split-second and held his hand out in front of him. "Come, Benevolence."

The air in Van's open hand seemed to flicker, unless it was Zell's imgination, but other than that, nothing happened.

"I knew it wouldn't work. She can't hear me."

"But," Zell reasoned, "whenever you pray, small effects happen. You know, glittering light or what have you. She must be able to hear you somewhat, or shit like that wouldn't happen at all."

Van just shook his head. "No, those effects happen because of my own will. I can force my prayers to answer themselves, I just haven't needed to do it so I'm terrible at it. Most Priests don't bother with it. It's archaic and much less powerful."

"Well, why don't you practice that, then? That way you can at least be able to defend yourself while you're here and, who knows, maybe you can come with me on a mission and help me out? If you'd even want to, that is..." Zell rubbed the back of his head ruefully.

"Hmm." Van seemed to consider this. He nodded, closed his eyes and tried to summon his staff again. "Come, Benevolence!"

A stick came flying out of the bushes and smacked Van in the arm he had outstretched. "Huh?" he said, opening his eyes and glaring down at the stick. "You're not what I summoned. You're not what I summoned at all!" He gave the stick an angry little kick that sent it spiraling away from him where he refused to acknowledge it again.

Zell's heart swelled. This kid was just so _fucking_ cute. He surpressed a radiant smile, and glanced in the direction the stick actually came from. He got sight of Seifer hiding in the bushes, trying not to laugh.

The tall blond came out trying to look innocent. "Well, what have we here? Zell managed to trick you into coming 'training' with him?"

Van glanced at the man looking nonplussed. "Who are you, and what do you mean, 'tricked me'?"

"What are you talking about, Seifer?"

Seifer let out an arrogant laugh, and, throwing Zell completely offguard, _winked_ at him.

"It's just that, Zell here is one of the worst SeeDs in Garden. That's why he's always kicking around. He doesn't get sent on missions because he fucks them up."

Van glanced at Zell quickly before turning his gaze back on Seifer. "Maybe I was mislead. It was my impression that a bad seed was not one who failed to produce the most fruit, but one who choked the life from others around it."

Zell looked at the kid, shocked that he just stood up for him-even though he wasn't sure where Seifer was going with this. Zell was a pretty decent SeeD-and it made him want to kiss him.

"_Hug him, you idiot, not kiss him. Guys don't fucking do that with other guys."_ he mentally kicked himself.

"I'm just giving you some friendly advice," Seifer plowed on, as though Van hadn't spoken, "Zell likes to talk big shit about being a high up SeeD. Then, when he's got the trust of a pretty, young cadet or groupie, he takes them here, to this clearing. Noticed how there's no monsters around? It's 'cause it's all for show. He just stands here with his shirt off until he makes his move."

"And what move is that?" Van asked flatly, his eyes flashing like lightning.

"The one where you get on all fours and let him fuck you senseless. Then he tells you you're unlike any other, and leaves."

"C'mon Van, we don't have to stand here and listen to this guy," Zell said, tugging on Van's arm.

Seifer drew Hyperion and pointed it right at Zell. "Don't touch him, Zell. I won't warn you again."

Zell glanced at the gunblade in the taller man's hand. What the _fuck_ was Seifer doing?

Zell turned to say something to Van, when Seifer charged.

He flew across the clearing and sliced his gunblade at the spot Zell's throat had been only seconds ago. Zell had dived to the ground to avoid the impact, and was already on his feet in his battle stance.

Seifer pulled himself to full height and smirked down at Zell. "Don't you hate having to actually work for people's affections?"

"The fuck would you know about affection?" Zell charged, catching Seifer's jaw with his left fist, before crashing his right knee into the gunbladesman's side. Seifer jumped back and brought Hyperion in front of him as Zell's right fist smashed into the flat side of the cold blade.

Van let out a small gasp as he heard Zell's fist crack from the blade, not being used to the sounds of battle. The gasp alerted Zell who turned to make sure the kid was alright. That was when Seifer saw his chance. He twirled his blade up and around Zell's outstretched arm and came down heavy across his torso; from left shoulder to right hip.

Zell crumpled. The pain shooting through him was unbearable. Blood instantly rushed down his body and soaked his pants before pooling on the floor.

He recognized that rhymatic spurting of blood for what it was-lifeblood. He would be dead in minutes.

Ignoring Seifer's existence as a probable enemy, Van ran towards Zell and dropped to his knees beside him. Seifer stepped out of the way and watched with interest. Almost with the air of one who suspected something would happen.

Van took Zell's hand in his and looked at the fallen warrior's face. Zell tried to keep his eyes focused on Van so he wouldn't worry, but his vision was already starting to fade.

Van was saying something to him but Zell couldn't make it out. The kid was speaking too quietly, too quickly. Almost like a chant.

Suddenly, Zell felt a powerful surge of energy and all he could smell was Van. Light wrapped itself around him and the kid, and he felt warmth flooding into his chest, traveling to his fingers and toes.

Van's hair blew wildly back within the light storm and seemed to co-operate with the flowing beams in their attempt to wrap around both victim and caretaker. Van's concerned eyes had been replaced by unseeing ones. His worried face smoothed into one of disconnected impartialness as whatever power within him came out and took control of it's host.

For a minute Zell felt sick. He wanted his Van back. Not this perfect creature looming above him, pulsing life into his body through his hands placed on Zell's stomach.

Zell looked down and saw the gash Seifer had made leaking pure light. It began to close from one end to the other in the opposite order which it was created; a mirrorlike reversal.

And then, it was over. The light vanished, and Van's hair dropped instantly. His eyes snapping back into focus and misting up upon seeing Zell alive and well.

"Oh, thank Selenia. I thought..." Van started.

Zell sat up and hugged Van, pulling his head down into his chest. Zell could feel hot tears on his pecs dripping down onto his abs and glared up at Seifer. Dude had made Van cry.

Seifer noticed Zell's look and tried to remedy the situation, "Don't look at me like that, man. I just wanted to give the kid a helping hand re-obtaining his powers. I didn't think he'd be _this_ upset by it.

Zell did not smile. From the look Seifer was giving him, he was pretty sure the gunbladesman had never seen him look like this before. He had never _felt_ like this before. Hearing Van cry was like...picking the wings off a butterfly. It made his blood run cold.

"Look, kid, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to upset you like this, I just thought...Zell, wasn't even in danger, I have a Pheonix Down in my pocket in case it didn't work." Seifer ran a hand through his blond hair looking slightly abashed.

"Agh, forget it. Try to help someone and get shit on. Well, I'm fucking sorry I bothered." Seifer stormed away. "Delicate little _princess,_" he muttered as he reached the door.

Zell didn't move or say anything. He just held Van for a long time. At some point he realized Van wasn't even crying any more, just...breathing softly. "You alright, Van?"

Van sniffed. "Yes." There was a few seconds of silence, then Van laughed.

"What's funny?" Zell tipped Van's head up to face him and fought the powerful urge to kiss him.

"Heh, you...," Van rubbed his eyes, "...you just got KO'ed in one hit, sat bleeding in a pool of your own blood, and almost died on a dirt floor...and you're asking if _I'm_ alright?"

Zell felt his lips tug into a smile. "Well, right now, you're the only one that matters."

Their lips were inches apart, and Zell was overcome by another, increasingly powerful, urge to kiss him. Zell involuntarily leaned in, closing the inches to millimeters. Zell could feel Van's breath on his mouth; hot and sweet. At that moment he didn't give two fucks if this made him a faggot. He wanted this. More than anything.

Just as he decided to do it, to lean in and kiss Van, a glint of light flickered in the corner of his eye. They both looked down towards the source and saw a golden staff, tapered at one end, with the other fashioned as a dove.

Van picked it up. "It worked. My prayer was answered."

Zell shook his head as if coming out of a daze. Fuck, he had wanted to kiss Van again. And he almost did this time. He had to do something fast before he did something he would regret.

"Yeah, looks like it was. C'mon let's get outta here."

"Huh? But, I thought you wanted to do some training?" asked Van.

"I think I'm all trained out for today." Zell put on a, what he hoped was reassuring, grin.

"Oh, alright..."

"C'mon, let's go to the Cafeteria; _(Where there are lots of people around.)_ I'll buy you a milkshake.


	5. The Court, the Commander, the Curveball

Chapter 5 - The Court, the Commander, and the Curveball

"_Did you hear that?"_ snarled Ifrit. "_He said 'Thank Selenia'. Do you think that is the name of the Guardian?"_

_"It is possible. He said it with an air of someone giving thanks to a god," _Shiva stated, factly.

"_Though we have existed for many years, that name has never reached my ears." _sang Siren.

Ifrit laughed deeply; the sound coming out more like a growl than true laughter. "_Perhaps more would reach your ears, Lady of the Singing Seas, if you allowed more than your own voice to permeate the air once in a while."_

Siren sniffed, haughtily. "_Is it truly my fault? Am I to blame, for bringing my song to a world so mundane?"_

_"That is enough, my children," _echoed a deep and powerful voice. "_I am more concerned with the one who goes by the name Selenia, than with your pokes at each other-however playful they may be."_

Ifrit looked as though he was going to say something, but thought better of it.

_"Alexander is right,"_ said Shiva. "_We must figure out this mystery, and soon. Surely one of you has an actual plan? I can think of no way beyond direct interference."_

_"Do not worry, brothers and sister of mine. For I have a plan-" _Siren started to sing before she was interrupted by Ifrit.

"_One that will work this time?" _Ifrit attempted at finishing her song musically.

Siren looked appauled. Shiva's cold hand flew to her mouth as her normally expressionless face threatend to crack into a smile. Diablos, who had remained silent and contemplative up until now, would have given Ifrit a fist-bump if that didn't seem like a terribly human thing to do.

Alexander sighed. Here we go...

Siren tossed her head; her eyes flashing.

"_The cheek, the nerve, the absolute brass!  
>I have never been met with a tongue so crass.<br>Oh, you sit and you smirk, you think you're so hot.  
>Well, I'm sorry, my dear, to remind you you're not.<br>For just last week, if you'll remember the shame,  
>that it was not I who was worried about the size of my flame!"<em>

Siren sang; her normally sweet voice twisting the notes in her song to an almost painful octave. She let her aria become far less of a melody and far more of a cacophony.

Ifrit howled in rage, lowering his head as he prepared to lunge at the mermaid. Siren intook a deep breath as she readied herself to hit Ifrit with several hundred decibels of pure, undiluted sound.

"_ENOUGH!_" boomed Alexander. "_We have more pressing matters to deal with than either of your hurt egos! Now, Siren, you were singing something about a plan?"_

_"Oh, picked up on that, did you? Well, I'm sorry to say, I shan't sing a word, till he mends his ways." _Siren crossed her arms and turned her head away; her wings flapping angrily once.

Ifrit snarled and Alexander shot him a withering look.

"_Fine," _he snapped, "_I'm sorry for beating you to the punch of your own song. But, it's not exactly like your idea last time was a smashing success."_

Siren turned her head back to face the fire god. "_That's because I hadn't thought of one critical thing, but listen to this; gather 'round while I sing."_

Siren filled them in on her newest plan and, by the time she was finished, even Diablos looked impressed.

"_Do you truly think this will work?" _Shiva asked.

"_I suggest we find out. But, if you don't think it will stand, I'll happily wait and hear all of your plans."_ Siren gazed around the room from one face to the next. No one said anything. She smiled sweetly.

"_How do you propose we incorporate the boy into this?" _wheezed Diablos.

Siren let out a beautiful, rich laugh that sounded like water rippling over rocks. "_Diablos, my friend, just wait and see. But, trust me when I sing, you can leave _that _to me." _

She smiled.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

"What are we going to do about Van?" Quistis inquired, looking over at Squall.

Squall had been sitting at his desk filling out paper work, as was perfectly usual. He glanced at his inbox and vaguely noted that the pile seemed, if it were possible, bigger than 20 minutes ago.

Squall took a slow, deep breath. "What do you mean?"

"I'm sure you're aware, but he's been with us in the Garden for 5 days now. The maximum limit for a guest to stay. I was just wondering if you planned to throw him out?"

Squall didn't even need to look at her to know that wasn't a real question. She might as well have followed it up with "-_because if you do, I'll cut off your dick and feed it to you."_

The thought of provoking her amused him, however, and he decided to see how far his luck would take him. "Well, I'm going to have to, I suppose. The rules are very clear on the subject."

As expected, Quistis snapped in her own, calm, graceful way. "Yes, I suppose they are very clear on that. Shall I drop off an eviction notice at Rinoa's room on the way to his?"

"She's a different case, Quistis. She's a Sorceress. That's related to us."

"Oh, my mistake. Shall I then rally the troops to launch an assault against her while she's eating lunch? We are trained to kill the Sorceress, aren't we?"

"Quistis, you know I'm not going to just throw him out. Why are we even having this conversation?"

Squall looked up at his second-in-command. She had a faint 'As I Thought' smile on her face.

"Well, then what are we going to do? He's lost from his own world, or time, or -whatever it is. Maybe we could officially induct him?

Squall shook his head. "He's too old. We would need to train him as a combatant from childhood. And his powers, whatever they are, are too unreliable. He would never pass the standard field exam."

"You mean the Fire Cavern? Someone could escort him-" Quistis started before she was cut off.

"I mean any exam. I doubt he would even pass a physical from Dr. Kadowaki. Look at him, Quistis. He's been raised and sheltered by a church his whole life. He isn't made for battle like we are."

"He's bored, Squall. And going through a tough time. I just think we should give him something to do. Help him take his mind off things, and become acclimated to the way our world works. Maybe teach him junctioning."

"I don't know how that would work." Squall admitted, pressing his hand to his forehead. "Can someone from another world junction the GFs of ours?"

Quistis sighed. "I'm not sure either. I just wish there was something we could do to help. He seems so nice, after all."

"How is Zell?" Squall asked, abruptly.

Quistis, taken aback at the randomness of the statement, just gazed at him.

"Zell had been going through a tough time too, hadn't he?" Squall added, seeing her confusion. "I heard from Selphie that Van's sudden arrival has brought him out of whatever he was going through."

"I'm not sure." Quistis admitted, feeling a little terrible that she had been so disconnected from the group due to her workload.

"Hmm. Well, he's probably fine." Squall looked back down at his document, clearly intending to get back to work.

Quistis took that as a cue to leave and turned to walk towards the door. As she reached it and opened it with her hand, she muttered "I just hope whatever cheering up effect he's having on Zell, Zell can have on him."

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Van was eating pudding.

It was delicious. There was no way he'd ever been allowed to eat _this_ at the Church. "For the Body, the Mind, and the Soul" was their motto. He had been restricted to greens and white meats his whole life. Well, that wasn't completely true. They did get a small amount of chocolate on holidays.

But, this was beyond anything he'd ever had! This was creamy and sweet and so good, Van had a hard time deciding whether to eat it or roll around in it. He had just finished his cup of it and was staring down sadly at the fading memory when Selphie popped out of nowhere and sat at the table.

"Hey, are you holding up okay, sweetheart?"

"Oh, I'm fine. I just wish it could have lasted longer."

Selphie bit back her anger. Which, of course, didn't stop her from exploding in the least.

"I can't believe that asshole! Don't you even think twice about him. He's a disgusting pig, Van. You're way too good for him."

Van nearly fell out of his chair. "P-pardon?"

Selphie had launched to her feet at some point in her burst and was looking down at Van lividly.

"Zell! He's such an insensitive jerk. I'm sorry I ever even suggested you get to know him!"

"I don't know what you're talking about Selphie...but you're starting to scare me."

"Huh?" Her anger deflated like a party balloon. "I thought you knew...what are you sitting her looking so down about for, then?"

Van held out his pudding cup meekly. "It was so good. I was just a little sad that it was finished."

Selphie just blinked at him. "You know you can just go get another cup, right?"

"I can have _more_?" Van asked incredulously. Surely she must be mistaken. There is no way people were allowed to have more than one cup of the chocolaty wonder. Van had just been about to voice his concerns when he remembered what Selphie had said a moment prior.

"Wait, go back, what did Zell do?"

"Uh, well-" she started.

But, as Fate would have it (and it often did), Selphie was not required to finish her sentence as, at that moment, Zell stolled into the Cafeteria...with Martha holding onto his arm.

They walked up to the table where Van and Selphie sat. Upon reaching their destination, Martha grazed Zell's shoulder with her hand. "I'm going to get us some lunch. You want your usual?"

"Sure, babe," Zell replied, making a huge show of kissing her deeply.

Selphie looked like she was about to puke. Or spit fireballs. Or both. Puking fireballs did seem to hold a certain appeal for her at the present moment.

Martha broke off the kiss and swished away to go stand in line. Zell plopped down at the table, his smug expression not very well hidden. "S'up guys?"

"Selphie was telling me you did something terrible, and I was inquiring as to what it was," answered Van, looking nonfazed.

"Zell, is dating _Martha_!" she burst out, shooting daggers at Zell with her eyes.

"Yeah, I am. What of it?"

"I don't follow, Selphie, why is this a big deal?" Van looked at her curiously, as though trying to read some unsaid thought she was holding back.

Both Selphie and Zell looked at Van like he just told them he had a sexual attraction to fire.

"W-well, I thought, you and Zell..." she dropped off hesitantly.

"Zell and I, what?"

Zell became very still, which was uncharacteristic of him. Why was Van not upset by this?

"I thought you and Zell liked each other."

Van tossed his hair over his left shoulder, sending an invisible cloud of whatever scent his shampoo created washing over Zell. "I do like Zell. I'm really glad he found someone."

"No, I mean..." she glanced at Zell, whose knuckles were turning white as he clenched his fist. "...well, I thought you had a thing for Zell."

Van blinked. And then opened his mouth and closed it again. And then he giggled.

Zell stared at him. Van just fucking _giggled_. Like he thought the very idea of being with Zell was _funny_.

"Selphie, Zell is a great guy." Van turned his head to Zell for a second. "Zell, you're a great guy. But, I don't belong in this world. As soon as I figure out how to get back to my own, I'm going to be leaving. Why would I let myself like someone from this world, just to leave them behind? That's not very fair."

Selphie looked upset. Zell looked devastated.

"Well, I g-guess, that makes sense..." Selphie said, very softly, like this was NOT going the way she planned AT ALL.

"You guys are so funny. You really make this whole Being Lost thing much more bearable. Zell, gimme your cell phone." Van held out his hand to Zell.

Zell recovered enough to look more confused than hurt. "My cell? Why?"

"Just gimme it."

Zell took out his phone from the pocket of his shorts and slid it across the table to Van. Van picked it up and started pushing buttons. After a moment, he lowered the phone and turned around to look at the line. Selphie and Zell followed his gaze to where Martha was standing.

A second later, Martha looked down at her own cellphone, read something, and looked back up to the table. Van waved at her then pointed at himself. Martha laughed, unheard, then smiled at Van and gave a quick nod and a wave.

Van slid the phone back towards Zell.

"What did you say to her?" Zell asked, his eyes narrowing.

"I asked her to bring me back another pudding. It was quite enjoyable." Van said, dreamily, and allowed himself to drift off into his memory of the chocolate dessert.


	6. Tropic of Cactuar

Chapter 6 - Tropic of Cactuar

Zell was lying in his bed replaying the scene from earlier that day. The way Van was so casual about Zell finding someone else. The way he so carelessly told him, to his fucking face, that he was going home soon as he could. As if he didn't even care.

Zell had stormed out of the Cafeteria around that point. Fuck him. If that's the way Van felt, then why the fuck should he give a shit?

"_Why the fuck should you give a shit anyways? You're straight remember?" _a little voice echoed in his head.

Oh yeah...he forgot about that.

The sudden realization of his heterosexuality did make his actions seem a bit silly.

Zell brought his hands up to his forehead, as though trying to keep his thoughts from spilling out into the air. This shit was so fucked up.

Then there was a knock at his door.

He had left Martha standing in the lineup when he stormed out and she had come by his room 12 times since. And she had texted him 29 times...and called him 51 times.

In accordance with his previous actions, he ignored it, waiting for her to go away.

"C'mon, darlin'. Open the door. I know yer in there," came a drawling voice.

Irvine? He was back from his mission?

Zell got off the bed, and walked over to the door and thumbed the Open button on the keypad. The door slid open and the cowboy grinned at him.

"Hey, man, what's up?" Zell asked, hoping he sounded casual.

The cowboy walked in, still grinning at him.

"So, what's this all about with Van?"

Fuck. Selphie must have filled him in. Why couldn't they be like every other ex-couple and never speak to each other again?

"Man, I dunno what you're talking about. There's nothing happening with me and Van."

Irvine stared at Zell.

"Why are you staring at me like that? Dude, I'm straight. Everyone knows this. Why is it all of a sudden everyone thinks I've changed?" demanded Zell, a little more defensively than he intended.

"Why are you frontin'?"

"I'm not fucking fronting, dude. I like women; I always have and that isn't about to change." Zell snapped.

"_He thinks you're a faggot," _that little voice said. Well, Zell would just have to correct that line of logic.

"Alright, man. If you say so. I just wanted to make sure before..." the cowboy trailed off.

"Before what?" asked Zell.

"Well, before I make a move. I didn't get a chance to earlier since Squall sent me out. And then I thought you and him were...but, since yer not, he's fair game."

Zell's stomach churned and he could taste bile in the back of his throat. He forced his voice to remain steady. "Good luck, bro. He told Selphie he ain't interested in anyone from this world since he was leaving them behind."

Irvine grinned mischievously. "I didn't say nothin' 'bout _datin'_. I was just gonna ask him if he wanted to share my bed, is all."

It was like Zell's entire body was working together to fight him. Zell's mind was screaming protests. It was showing Zell, in desperation, images of things that the cowboy wanted to do. "_See? Is this what you want?" _ His stomach was threatening to empty out it's contents to rat him out so Irvine would know and would stay away from Van. And that little voice that was so helpful in reminding Zell of him being straight was Zell's only support. However, when it tried to come to Zell's rescue, his heart began to beat so loud that it drowned out what the voice was trying to say.

"You okay, Zell?" Irvine asked, with a fake look concern in his eyes.

"I...I don't think...Van is that type...that type of guy..." Zell stammered, giving one last effort to dissuade the sex machine he knew his friend to be.

"Heh heh, well, let's just see if'n I can't change that about him." Irvine smirked. "You've seen how persuasive I can be. I'll bet by the end of tonight, that kid'll be beggin' me to fu-"

Zell snapped. He grabbed the cowboy and smashed him into the wall so hard he felt it give way. "You stay the _fuck_ away from him. If you so much as wink in his direction, I'll fucking pound you to a bloody pulp."

Rather than retaliate, Irvine just dropped the charade altogether. "Good, 'cause if you weren't willing to defend yer boyfriend from some other dude's advances, I'd have kicked yer ass."

"He is NOT my boyfriend!" Zell let go of Irvine's shoulders. Why was everyone so insistent?

"Whatever, man. FIgure it out yerself then, if you know everything." Irvine slammed his shoulder into Zell's as he stormed pass. When he got to the door, he stopped for a second, looked halfway back over his shoulder and said, "Seifer was right. You are a Chickenwuss."

The door slid closed behind him as he walked out.

Zell slid down the wall he was leaning on and closed his eyes. His entire body had stopped fighting him and had fallen oddly silent. As though waiting for his next move.

"_Don't listen to him. So, what he thinks you're a Chickenwuss. At least you're not a faggot," _the little voice said, now that his heart had settled into a breath holding silence.

"...w_hy does that bother you so much...?" _ whispered a second little voice, even smaller then the first.

"_Because, I'm a man. A real man. I want people to think I'm tough and can handle myself," _Zell answered.

"_But, you are a man. Anyone looking at you can tell that. And how does being in love make you weak...?" _ whispered the little voice again, a bit stronger this time.

"_Well, it doesn't. But, I can't be in love with a guy. That's just gay. I want to be straight. I want to be strong."_

_"Then be strong. Don't let what people think of you get in the way of making yourself happy." _said the little voice, no longer whispering.

"_I, I can't do that!"_ Zell tried to argue.

"_You're lying. You can. You're just making excuses. What's the real reason?" _said the little voice, loudly this time.

"_I just...don't want to be..."_

_"Want to be what! Close to someone! In love! Happy!" _the little voice yelled.

"_...a chickenwuss."_

Zell's mirror flew off the wall, landing right in front of him and shattered into a thousand pieces. Zell's eyes flew open, and he saw his reflections all staring back at him from the multitude of shards. Each and every one looking back at him like they were disgusted. Like they couldn't believe this was the man they had to be fashioned after. He felt like he was in a courtroom, under the discriminating gazes of the jury while he tried to defend himself.

Only this time...he was his own jury.

And for the first time in his 18 years, Zell hated what he saw when he looked into all those reflections.

_"Didn't you hear Irvine? That's all you are," said the little voice. _

"_So what you're a Chickenwuss? At least you're not a fagg-" _the first little voice started, trying to cut in.

"Shut up!" Zell snapped out loud.

As if right on cue, his body kicked into gear. His mind started showing him the way he needed to go to get to Van's room. His stomach sealed itself up in preperation for the fastest run of Zell's life as it prodded his lungs into motion. His heart started pumping harder to get the adrenaline that would make him faster through his body.

Zell jumped to his feet in one swift motion and hit the ground running.

He might be his own jury, but like hell he was going to be his own fucking executioner.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Van dragged the brush through his endless hair as he counted.

"997, 998, 999, 1000. Whew. Finally done," he hummed.

He got up to pull the sheets back from his bed before climbing in. It was at that exact moment there was a knock at the door.

A knock may have been a slight understatement as the heavy metal sliding door damn near came off it's track.

Van almost jumped a foot. "Wh-what the...?"

He walked over to the door and hit the Open button on his keypad. The door barely had time to open before Zell came into the room.

"Zell! You scared me half to-"

That was all he managed to get out.

Zell put both hands around Van's face and kissed him...hard. He crushed his mouth into Van's not giving the Saint time to react.

Zell always thought that he would know if he was meant to be with someone by the first kiss. It was supposed to send electric currents through his body. It was supposed to feel like fire and ice burning his lips. It was supposed to feel like the earth was shaking beneath his feet.

Zell was wrong. _This_ kiss is how it's supposed to feel.

This kiss felt like the sky had split open in the middle of a rainstorm and sent beams of sunlight down onto him. He felt a warmth spread through his body, not dazzling like electric currents, but peaceful like a sunlit day. His lips weren't burning but felt like he was drinking a mixture of sugar and rainwater. And he couldn't believe he ever compared the earth shaking to this. He felt like he was falling through the Tropic of Cactuar and into Pheonix's Aura, those mystical lights that appear in the northern sky. He felt himself surrounded by a dizzying display of stars; dancing like diamonds and threatening to carry him away; to never let him go. The only shaking was his knees, as the stars' breathless height stole away the oxygen from his brain, giving him vertigo.

Van's hands, which had remained paralyzed down by his side until now, started to move up, rubbing across Zell's abs and making him shudder. They kept coming upward reaching his chest where they flattened against Zell's pecs...and started pushing him away.

Zell broke the kiss and looked into Van's eyes. Eyes which told him the last thing he wanted to hear. Eyes which told him Van didn't feel the same way about the kiss.

"Zell, I...I'm sorry...I can't-"

Zell didn't wait for him to finish. As quickly as he came into the room he was gone. He ran down the hallway, half blinded by his own stupid tears. He reached up to wipe them angrily as he reached his door so he could see the keypad enough to thumb in his code. The door slid open and Zell burst into the room where he started pacing. His mind whirring with images and scenes of what had happened, what could have happened and what didn't happen. He glanced over and noticed that the mirror was back on the wall, in one piece, where it had been all along.

Zell grabbed it and threw it against the door as hard as he could, making sure that this time, like his heart, it really would lay in a thousand pieces. Leaving the mess where it was, he reached over and jerked his desk drawer open so hard it snapped right off it's wheels. He grabbed a pen and a piece of paper, letting the drawer fall to the floor, and began to write.

When he was finished he dropped onto his bed and sat with his head in his hands, trying to catch his breath, and trying even harder not to cry.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Van didn't move for a long time. It was like Zell's kiss had stolen something from him, but he couldn't place what it was. All he knew is that it was important. He felt like, without this, he couldn't continue living. That he had to have it back.

But, what _was_ it?

After a few minutes (or a few hours; it was impossible to tell), Van ended up giving up with a sigh and going to his bed.

Everything had been going so well. Why did Zell have to fuck it up by doing that? Now things were going to be awkward. Or worse, maybe Zell hated him now. He's deserve it.

But, he'd had to. Zell had to know that he _wasn't_ staying. Zell deserved someone better. Someone who could make him happy. Van couldn't _do_ that!

...could he?

No. He couldn't.

Van laid himself down, under his cool, clean sheets, and closed his eyes. He half expected his bed to make itself deliberately uncomfortable, as punishment for doing that to Zell, but it was as cozy as ever.

He had to get out of here, fast. Before he could hurt anyone else.

Van yawned and thought one last time of Zell and that hurt look he had given him when he pushed him off, and then fell asleep.

That night he dreamt of stars.


	7. Blessed are the Meek

Chapter 7 - Blessed are the Meek...

Van woke up in a cold sweat. His hair was plastered around his face and he was gasping for air.

His dream had started off so pleasantly, he knew but he couldn't remember, and then...it had gotten worse.

He tried to recall the dream-_any_ of it- but just couldn't. The details were trickling away faster than he could hold onto them.

That's when he heard it.

"Singing? At this hour?"

It was definitely singing. A girl, by the sounds of it. And it was so beautiful and so sad.

Van got out of his bed, expecting the song to stop once his feet hit the cold floor and really woke him up, but it didn't. He walked towards his door and was about to hit the Open button on the keypad, when the door slid open as though it was expecting him.

Van walked out into the corridor and noticed the song was a little louder. Either that or he was just getting closer.

He followed it down the hallways and through the Garden until it led him right outside of the Library.

The song was louder now. Whoever was singing was definitely in this room.

Van walked into the dark Library, and noticed a dim, flickering light coming from _over there_, just out of sight around some bookshelves.

"_Who the fuck is reading _and_ singing in the middle of the night?" _he thought to himself, incredulously.

He followed the light around the shelf...and saw no one.

The only thing that was here was an empty table, save for one book on it.

But, the book was _glowing_.

Van walked up to it, still hearing the song, and went to open the cover.

As soon as his fingers touched it both the song, and the light died completely, plunging Van into complete darkness.

He fumbled around for a moment and, after whacking his shin off a table leg which he cursed in a very unsaintly manner, he found a light and turned it on.

He looked back at the book and sat down in a chair at the table. The book had no title. Still rubbing his shin, he opened the cover and immedietly heard the song again.

Van began to read.

...and read

...and read.

Minutes turned to hours in the blink of an eye as the song captivated him, possessed him. Whatever power the song had held him tight, and didn't let go until Van had read the final word in the book.

Then the song stopped.

And Van smiled.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

"Argh, just _listen_!" Van exclaimed, barely able to contain himself.

Squall took a deep breath, and motioned for Van to continue.

"I was doing some reading, and...I think I've figured out a way to get back home!"

Quistis blinked. "Reading?"

"Yes, in your library. It was a book on G...er, GFs? Apparently, these creatures are what serves as gods in your world. They all have different powers, etc. etc. SO, I was thinking of harnessing _their_ power, to transport myself back to my own timeline!"

Van had left out the fact that a mystic song had led him to the book which gave him his knowledge. He didn't want to seem completely insane.

"And, you're sure this plan of yours will work?" asked Squall.

"According to what I've read, there shouldn't be a reason it wouldn't. I just need 6 people to assist me with it."

"Six?" Quistis asked. "Why six?"

"Six GFs are required for the ritual. So, one person to summon each GF. But, each has to be summoned at the right time. So, I need 6 people who are willing to take directions from me."

Squall pondered.

"Well," said Quistis, "I suppose it couldn't hurt to try. We can have Selphie and Irvine help. Zell, myself and you, Squall, make five. Rinoa could make up the sixth?"

"Not Rinoa. Seifer." Squall argued.

"Seifer is as likely to take directions as you are," Quistis countered. "I'd rather this plan have a _chance_ of working."

"I can take directions."

The three turned their heads to the door where Seifer was leaning against it casually.

Quistis looked ready to tear his head off for eavesdropping but Van had already moved in.

"You'll help me! Oh, thank you!"

Van ran up to Seifer and gave him a hug.

Quistis, Squall, and hell, even Seifer himself looked stunned.

"Er, yeah, sure...no problem," Seifer sputtered.

"Oh, this is so great. I'm going to get to go home. Okay, let's call everybody. I want to start right away!"

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

A page had gone out summoning the required individuals to Squall's office. The group had shown up within 15 minutes, with the exception of Zell.

"Shall I go collect him, myself?" Quistis asked.

"Uh...I don't think Zell is gonna come," Van said, a little sheepishly.

"Why?"

"We, sorta...uhm..."

"Zell was bein' bullheaded last night, and him and Van had a few words," drawled Irvine, coming to Van's rescue.

"Oh..." started Quistis, glancing at Squall.

Squall sighed and walked back to his desk and hit his PA.

"Rinoa Heartily, please report to the Commander's office immedietly."

Squall came back over to rejoin the group looking less than thrilled, "Happy now?"

Quistis smiled politely.

A few moments later, there was a knock at the door, which then opened. A woman dressed in blue came walking in, "You called for me?"

Van turned to see the new person and was floored. She is so pretty.

Everyone turned to look at him.

"Er...did I say that out loud?" Van said, blushing.

Rinoa giggled. "Well, yes. But, thank you. You must be Van. I've alot about you this past week."

Van smiled but didn't know what to say. No one had told him about her.

She seemed to read his facial expression and just laughed. "Don't worry about it. I haven't been feeling very well for a while so I keep to myself mostly."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

"Anyways," Squall interrupted, "I have work to do, so, what now?"

"Right, yes, well-" Van started, taking a step back to incorporate Rinoa into the circle and almost tripping over his hair in the process.

Seifer reached out a hand to steady him, which Van returned with a sheepish smile.

Selphie glared at Seifer who acted as though nothing had happened.

"As I was saying, each of you need to juncture-"

"Junction," corrected Quistis.

"Thank you, junction, a specific GF. Then we need to go somewhere with lots of space, preferably outdoors. Whereupon I will signal each of you in turn to summon your respective GF," explained Van.

Squall sighed. This was going to take longer than he thought.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

The group had gathered in the fields outside of Garden, having equipped the proper GFs. Quistis and Squall stood facing each other, some 30 feet apart.

"Okay, everyone know what they need to do? Just watch for my signals if you get confused at any point." said Van.

"Alright," said Quistis, "so, Squall and I are to start things off?"

"Whenever you're ready. Rinoa, be on standby, your GF's timing is a bit difficult," Van said over his shoulder to Rinoa who was in the direct center of Commander and the Second-in-Command, and off to the side.

"Right."

"Okaaaay. Let's go!"

"Queen of the Frozen Oceans, I summon Thee!"

Squall's form faded away and Shiva appeared in his place.

"I am ready," she stated.

"Prince of the Blazing Pit, bring your flames here!"

Quistis, too, faded away leaving ifrit where she once stood.

"Excited, Shiva? Before long we shall-"

"Enough, Ifrit. Let us begin."

Both Ifrit and Shiva unleashed their powers upon each other. Ifrit's flames and Shiva's frost charged toward the opposite and collided in the center. Both being gods, and being each others opposite, however, they were perfect matches, and could not beat the other.

"Now, I summon Quezacotl to contain their energy, right?" asked Rinoa.

"Not yet! Wait-" cried Van, his eyes never leaving the slowing growing orb of coalescing energy.

The ball got bigger and bigger and began swirling faster and faster. Tendrils of fire and of ice began flaring off of it and streaking away.

Still it got bigger and faster, and still Van said nothing. Irvine was sure it was going to be too late; that the ball had grown out of control..

"Now!"

"Lord of the Skies, strike your thunder here!

Rinoa faded away, and the graceful form of the lightning god took her place. It spat it's bolt of lightning which wrapped around the ball and spread into a weblike net of crackling currents.

The fire and ice energy raged within it's constraints, but the lightning never yielded.

"Go Siefer!"

"Right. Entity of Space and Time, bring your dark magic to me!"

Siefer faded, and Diablos floated down and into view.

He pointed at the ball while charging up his own magic with his other hand. The ball came flying toward him and, when impact seemed certain, he cast his spell.

The ball was consumed, it's energy fueling the spell Diablos had spun, and a gate appeared before them all, tearing a hole through space and time.

"My turn, huh, darlin'?

Van nodded at the cowboy.

"Lady of the Voice, let's hear yer song. Come on down!"

Irvine vanished, and Siren took up his place.

Before she even opened her mouth, Van knew this was the girl he had heard singing last night. The one who guided him...

Siren took a deep breath. "Hear my notes, my verse, my chord. Come, Selenia, and collect what it yours," she sang.

Her voice, as only hers could do, drifted through the gate and retained enough power as to be not torn apart by the ebb and flow of time.

"Right, now Selphie!"

"Oh, right! Here I go! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...Wooo wooo! Doomtrain!"

As she disappeared out of sight, Doomtrain erupted into existence. "IMPUDENT GIRRRRLLLL!" it bellowed, as it torn through the gate.

All was silent as Van stood among the GFs, watching. Ifrit and Shiva both vanished returning their summoners to their place.

Van still waited, staring into the gate.

Quezacotl and Diablos faded as well, leaving Rinoa and Seifer behind.

Still Van waited.

Eventually Siren had to go, and returned Irvine to his rightful home.

Van bit his lip.

Nothing was happening. The gate still stood there, ominously. Threatening to devour any who dared enter it. Doomtrain had still not come back, and, subsequently, neither could Selphie.

Van slid to his knees and began to pray.

_Wooooooo._

Van's eyes snapped opened as the oncoming sound of a rushing train filled the area. The source of the noise burst out of the gate and flew off into the sky. Doomtrain completed a large loop and descended back towards the waiting group where it gently touched the ground and came to a stop.

The whistle sounded one last time, and a jet of steam was released as the it's door slid open.

And out walked a woman

Van's eyes flooded with tears.

Selenia.


	8. but, Fortune Favors the Bold

Chapter 8 - ...But, Fortune Favors the Bold

"Our Vanity. We have found...Our Vanity."

The Saint attempted to stand up and take a step forward so he could kneel in earnest, but his legs just wouldn't cooperate. He ended up half-rising, doing some sort of lunge, before collapsing again, unceremoniously. "F-forgive me, my Goddess," he stammered.

Selenia's eyes flashed with concern as she rushed forward and fell to her own knees next to him, pulling him into her arms.

Irvine eyed the woman with awe. This woman was beyond beautiful. She was unearthly.

Her golden blonde hair made the sun look limp and withered in the sky. She, like Van, favored clothing that was all white. Her slim dress being made out of a fabric too perfect to be real. It was a simple design, coming down to the ground, but elegant in the way it kept her shape. And the color; it made snow look sickly yellow and tainted.

Any doubt he may have had in his mind about Van worshipping a real goddess faded at that second.

And here she was, a goddess, kneeling the dirt like a child in a sandbox, clutching her chosen like she was trying to shield him from the world.

"We have missed you," she said in her flowing, beautiful, haunting voice.

It was Selphie who recovered first.

"Why is he your vanity?" She asked. "Isn't that a bad thing?"

Selenia turned her ethereal gaze upon her, and Selphie stiffened. She felt like the goddess was staring straight into her soul.

She, as though learning about Selphie from her gaze, let herself fall into a smile. "He is Our Vanity, Selphie, because that is his name."

"His name is Van...wait-" she started, before a look of dawning came over her. "His whole name is Van_ity_?"

Van looked up at her and rubbed his eye with his hand. "Yeah, I just shorten it to Van so people don't give me weird looks...kinda like you're doing now."

Everyone turned to Selphie who, in fact, had a very weird look on her face.

"It's...just that-, well, Vanity is kinda...actually, it's kinda hot for a guy."

Quistis interrupted. "So-, er..." A look came over her as she realized she was speaking to a goddess and didn't know _what _to do. Should she curtsey? Kneel? Should she even talk?

Selenia laughed. The sound caused the field to bloom into thousands of flowers and any clouds in the sky to disperse. "You have all taken care of Ours, and for that you have Our undying gratitude. Do not worry of how you speak to Us. It is We who should be honoring you."

Irvine jumped back as a rose popped up right in front of him. "Holy shit," he muttered.

Selenia stood up and helped Van rise with her. "Are you ready to come home, Vanity? We will take you now, unless you wish to say your goodbyes first?"

Van looked at his goddess and she smiled warmly at him. Her smile alone brought in a pleasant breeze and started a refreshing sunshower, despite the fact that there were no clouds in the sky.

"If I may? I owe them so much."

The Goddess nodded her approval.

Van approached Squall and Quistis first. "Thank you both so much for believing me and letting me stay here and helping me with my plan. I couldn't have done this without you."

Squall nodded and placed a hand on Van's shoulder. "Any time."

Quistis smiled. "It's kinda sad that you're leaving so soon, but, I understand."

Van smiled and walked over to Rinoa. "And I didn't even get to know you for very long."

Rinoa just gave him a hug. "Well, maybe some other time?" she giggled.

Next was Irvine. "I'm sorry I thought you kidnapped and were performing weird medical experiments on me," Van said, lowering his head and smiling sheepishly.

Selenia frowned slightly, and instantly the sky became midnight, stars twinkling overhead.

"Ahhh," said Irvine, looking nervous, "It was an hones' mistake. Just, don't let yer goddess smite me or nothin'," he drawled, glancing up at her.

Van looked at Selenia who was simply smiling again. The sun came back, basking the field in it's afternoon glow.

Van hid a smirk and walked up to Siefer. "You...well, you're a bit strange." Van stated, thinking back to everything him and Siefer had been a part of.

"What can I say? I'm one of a kind." Siefer reached out and rubbed Van's head, messing up his hair.

Van rolled his eyes and flattened out the mess. He gave Siefer one last smile and, finally, approached Selphie. Instantly her eyes flooded with tears.

"Oh, Selphie," Van started to say before she slammed into him with a devastating hug.

"Oh, why do you have to go so soon? We were becoming such good friends."

Van half-laughed, half-tried-to-breathe, and pulled the girl off of him. "I'm sorry, I'll miss you." He hugged her normally, which she returned.

The Saint turned to face his Goddess. "Alright, I'm ready."

Selenia nodded and held out her hand.

Van walked forward to approach her, but stopped after one step. His body refused to take another.

Selenia blinked and the sunshower stopped.

"What is wrong, Our Chosen?"

Van laughed breathlessly and shook his head. "Nothing, sorry." He took another step and halted. Something was wrong.

Something was missing.

Zell.

"Oh, that's right! Selphie, do me a favor." He turned back towards the brunette.

"What's that?"

"Tell Zell I said goodbye, and that...well, that I'll miss him." Van said, his eyes slowly lowering towards the ground as he remembered the kiss they shared.

"...yeah, I will," she replied, feeling as down as Van looked.

"Thanks..." He turned back to face his Goddess. She had an unreadable look on her divine face.

Van took another step and stopped again, this time collapsing to his knees. "Ugh, I just can't."

Selphie rushed over and pulled him to his feet.

His goddess just watched, waiting.

"I-I can't leave without saying goodbye to Zell," he stammered, his eyes refusing to meet Selenia's.

He just stood there, staring at the ground, until he felt her approach and place a hand under his chin and tilt it gently upward.

"Seven days," she said.

Van blinked at her. "Pardon?"

"We know where you are now and We will give you time to get your affairs in order. We will come back in seven day's time."

"B-but, why?"

Selenia laughed again. A musical, beautiful, ethereal laugh that echoed long after her form began to sparkle and she faded away.

"Because, Our Vanity," she said minutes after she had left them all standing in Her flowering field without her, "you never lost faith."

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

It had been three days since Selenia had came. Which meant Van had four days left. He had gone, instantly, to Zell's room and knocked on the door but received no response.

He had turned away, dejected, and came back in an hour's time, and knocked again. And still no response.

Every waking hour, he repeated his ritual for three days, and Zell never answered his door.

This was one of those times.

Van stood there, knocking on the door, and waiting for Zell to open it. "_He can't be _this _mad at me, can he?"_

After all, he was only trying to spare Zell's feelings.

Maybe he could have gone about it in a better way.

While he was going through other possible alternatives, Selphie crept up behind him. "Still nothing, huh?"

Van jumped. "Oh my Goddess, Selphie don't _do_ that! You scared the light out of me!"

Selphie giggled. "Well that's not very good, seeing as you're a Saint and all."

Van grumbled. "He's starting to make me mad. I'm gonna go for a walk and cool down."

"Want some company?"

"No, thank you. I need to be alone for a bit."

Van had walked off, not really sure of where he was going. He wandered the corridors and eventually outside the grounds. Eventually he ended up back in Selenia's field.

He sat amongst the flowers she created and breathed them in. They smelled so good.

"_But not as good as him." _a little voice said.

Van jumped, yet _again_. He had been doing that alot lately. He looked around to see where the voice came from before wondering...did that come from his own head?

"_Why can't you just admit you like him?"_ the little voice said again.

"Oh, I do not. He's just a really good friend." Van said, aloud.

"_Just a friend? Then why couldn't you leave, trusting Selphie to pass on your message?"_

"B-because, I wanted to...to make sure she got it right. That's all."

_"It's because you wanted to see him again. That kiss wasn't just him, you know. It takes two."_

"That's not true!" he shouted. He jumped to his feet and tossed his hair angrily, trying to shake the voice out of his head. That's when he saw it.

A blue bug, about the size of a basketball. With a nasty looking stinger.

"Oh, no." Van looked around quickly for anyone who could help. But, he had come here alone.

"_Always train with a partner. You don't just come in here alone."_ Zell's voice echoed in his head.

But, he hadn't come here to train. Maybe the bug would understand.

The bug flew closer to Van, picking up the scent of warm blood.

He doubted it.

He turned his head one last time to see if maybe he could yell for help or try making a run for it.

_"Zell wouldn't run_." the Saint thought. "_He'd fight_."

Van glared at the bug and, subconsciously, took up a stance similar to Zell's.

"Come, Benevolence!" His staff appeared in his hand.

The bug made a beeline for him, attempting to latch onto his arm and sting him. Van jerked back wildly, completely bereft of the grace Zell had, and attempted to smash the bug with his staff. The bug just buzzed out of the way.

Van took a step back and offered a quick word of prayer. "Holy Goddess, lend me your power!" He held his hand out and light began to gather into a ball within it. It quickly, within a second, reached it's capacity and beamed forth to strike the creature...or it should have. It more or less just sparked and died completely.

The bug took the opportunity to latch onto his hand and bite him. He cried out as the bug stung him and started sucking up vast amounts of his blood. Van's head had become very light and he felt dizzy as his blood was being drained from his body.

He thought of laying down for a second and resting, just until the dizziness stopped, when an image of Zell came into his mind. Van shook his head, and saw the creature still draining him of his life's fluids and he glared at it. The Saint raised his staff high and brought it down with a *thwack* as it hit the creature and sent it spiraling away through the air.

It took a second to right itself, before it came back for a second course. He closed his eyes, and thought of Zell again. "Dazzling light, chase down my enemy!" He held out both his hands and light erupted out of them taking the form of a swirling bolt of energy, almost like thick lightning. It streaked through the air and struck the bug causing it to _skriiii_ in pain.

Van closed the distance between it and, once more, swung his golden staff. The dove collided with the bug, and it exploded, drenching Van in fluids; some the bug's, and some his own blood.

Van stood there for a moment, catching his breath. He looked down at his hand where the bug had bitten him. It was already beginning to swell and turn a nasty purple.

He placed his other hand on it and closed his eyes. Zell's kiss entered his mind and a burst of healing light came out of his hand.

He looked back down, and the wound was gone.

The boy continued to stand there for a long while. Letting the information of the battle seep into his brain.

After an undeterminable amount of time had passed, Van looked up from his hand; his eyes flashing with a realization. He gripped his staff tightly, and set out, away from the safety of the Garden.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

It had been 2 days since anyone had seen Van. Selphie was starting to worry. Quistis had told her that, according to the Garden's computers, his door was being used. Once at night, and once in the morning.

"So, he's sleeping in there." Selphie didn't like the sounds of this one bit.

She walked down to Van's door and banged on it...far louder than was necessary for this early hour.

"Just a second!" came Van's response.

Selphie tapped her foot impatiently.

A few moments later Van opened the door. "Good morning, Selphie."

"Don't you 'Good morning, Selphie' me! Where have you _been?_ No one has seen you in two days!"

"Oh, I was just. I just wanted to do some thinking, you know? About...about Zell."

Van lowered his eyes to the ground and Selphie felt a rush of pity for him.

"Well, just, tell someone next time, okay? I was panicked."

Van smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, Selphie. Breakfast?"

"Yes!"

They were walking to the Cafeteria, chatting away about whatever nonsense either one of them could come up with, when Siefer saw them.

"_What the-? Van looks different." _he thought.

Siefer did an elevator check. Still had long hair, still wore the same white clothing of a Saint...what could it be?

"What are you looking at, Siefer?" Selphie called out, noticing him staring.

"Oh, I was just wondering what chick you were dating this time, but then I realized it was just Van," he said, casually.

Van rolled his eyes and Selphie gave him the finger.

"You wound me." Siefer put his arms around the two shorter brunetts and smirked.

"I'm about to," Van said, simply.

That was it! Van's whole posture had changed! He usually walked around the place like he was lighter than air. Gently floating around, too humble to make even the sound of footsteps. Now he practically glowed with confidence.

And unless Siefer was completely mistaken, Van's bare midriff was revealing the barest hint of muscle.

Was Van training?

They arrived at the Cafeteria and got in line. They ordered their food, and went and sat back down at a table.

Van could feel Siefer's eyes on him, but figured asking about it would just lead to another snide comment.

So he just enjoyed himself chatting away with Selphie.

After breakfast, Selphie had some stuff to do for her students and excused herself.

"Anyways, Siefer," Van said after she left, "I have some things to do, too, before I head home."

"Yeah, you only got, what? Two days left?"

"Yeah. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"I'll be around."

Van got up and walked out of the Cafeteria. He marched himself to Zell's room and knocked on the door. As usual, there was no response. Van was about to give up and walk away when Zell's face popped back into his mind.

"Goddess damn it, Zell! Open this door! I want to talk to you!" Van yelled.

Nothing.

Van gave the door an angry kick. "Ouch!"

He knelt down and rubbed his sore toes. He looked back up and glared at the door as he stood up.

Fine, if that's how he wanted to be, then fuck him!

Van turned and was about to march away, when Zell's face, again, popped into his mind.

"Arrrgh!" Van whirled around, "In the name of the Light, do not bar my path! I command you! Open!"

The keypad shorted out and the door to Zell's room slid open.

Van walked in and felt his world slow to a crawl.

There was a hole in the wall and a broken mirror on the floor. Van stepped over it and saw Zell's desk drawer laying upside-down beside it, it's contents strewn everywhere. As he was about to bend over and pick it up, Van saw the note.

He looked down at the desk and read what it said.

_For the last few fucking days everyone's been telling me I'm in love with Van. I've fought it tooth and fucking nail and everyone just shakes their head like _I'm _the asshole. Well, consider this my fucking confession. Yeah, I do think I love him. But, he made it fucking clear I'm not good enough. So, fuck it. I'm out. Z_

Van waited for the tears he knew were coming. Zell was _gone._ He left. And Van had done nothing but wait patiently by his door.

No tears came but, he felt a surge of anger, of hatred, of blinding rage at...himself? He jerked his head to the side, his hair spinning wildly behind him, when he saw it. In the mirror's shards. Thousands of his own reflection staring back at him. All looking at him with their accusing eyes. _Look what you did. You did this. This is your fault._

Yes. He did it. This is _his_ fault. And like fuck he wasn't going to fix it.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

He had been at a hard run for a while now. He only stopped for a moment outside the Garden to call his staff and quickly pray for guidance.

"_Goddess, guide my step!" _he had prayed. His staff began to spin in the air and came to a halt pointing in a direction away from Garden. He had been running ever since.

Until now, he was walking through some trees and took the opportunity to catch his breath.

He didn't know where he was going or what was in this direction, all he knew is that Zell was there. And that was good enough for him.

*crack*

Van stopped and turned his head sharply towards the sound of the noise.

He didn't see anything, lurking in the trees.

He was just about to chalk it up to Foresty sounds, when he heard it again.

*crack crack*

Something was definitely there.

A large green, bloated...caterpillar crawled out of the trees. This thing was _massive_.

Van didn't even flinch. If this thing was going to stand in the way of him finding Zell, then he was going to escort it through the doorway to the next life.

He brought his staff around and charged at the thing. The thing didn't even look like it was capable of dodging it was so gelatinous.

He was almost within reach to slam it with his staff when the creature shot strings of white at him. They struck him and he instantly felt himself slowing down. As he came to a stop they hardened around him and Van couldn't move. The thing began crawling toward him.

He stuggled hard against his bonds but it was no use. He couldn't _break_ them. The thing wrapped itself up and around his unmoving body and sunk it's fangs into Van's neck.

Van screamed in pain, as the creature feasted on his soft flesh. Blood gushed everywhere and Van felt himself floating away. He was dimly aware of the creature moving it's face around to the other side of Van's throat and biting again as he collapsed.

Van heard his head hit the hard earth with a loud *BANG*, and everything went black.


	9. The Missionary's Disposition

Chapter 9 - The Missionary's Disposition

Zell had arrived in Esthar a couple days ago. He only had brought with him a small amount of money, so, naturally, when that ran out he was a little fucked.

He had been sitting in a bar, drinking his last few gil away, forcing himself not to think of _him_, when the guy sat next to him.

"Hey what's up, bro?"

Zell looked at the guy. He didn't fucking know him.

"Fuck off." Zell said, taking another sip of his beer.

"Ouch, rough day?" the guy smirked.

"Trying to get over someone."

"Ah, man. I've been there. Need a hand?"

Zell had to restrain himself from punching the guy's teeth in. "Did I walk into a fucking gay bar? Why the fuck would I need _your_ help?"

The dude laughed. "Nah, man. Nothing queer. Here," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a little tablet, "this is what I meant. Take it."

Zell raised an eyebrow and glanced down at the blue little pill. He had never been into drugs as they fucked with people's lives.

"_Kinda like the way he fucked with yours?" _that little voice asked.

Zell swallowed his mouthful of beer and took the pill. The guy just smiled.

"_Fuck it,"_ Zell thought, " _this seems a good enough time to start."_

And he had taken the pill.

All of that had happened three days ago. Just three short days.

Zell looked around. He was sitting in some basement the guy rented out. There were at least 15 other people around, coming down off various highs. Or shooting up.

He was no different, now.

Zell wrapped the elastic band around his arm, and stuck the needle in his bicep. He tilted his head back and pushed the syringe down, pumping Eden's Tears into his blood. When it was empty he removed the needle and the rubber band and just sat back. Zell allowed himself one more image of Van before the drug took over and pulled him along for another ride.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Van awoke in a very medically designed room in a very medically designed bed. His head was pounding.

The Temporal Phase!

Van bolted up, and, once again regretted his actions as his entire neck burst into what had to be flames.

"You got some fuckin' nerve," drawled a voice to Van's side.

Van tried to turn his head but couldn't. "That's not how this story is supposed to go. You're supposed to say 'Feelin' better, darlin'?'"

"Oh, sorry. Feelin' better, darlin'?" came Irvine's response. Without waiting for Van's he continued on, "Now that that's out of the way, You got some fuckin' nerve."

"Why are you angry?"

"Because you took off outta here like a scared chocobo! And then, after runnin' through a forest and nearly gettin' yerself _killed_, Seifer had to drag yer sorry ass back here. And now you got major damage done to yer neck. Doc doubts even an X-Potion will fix ya up, and all we got is regular Potions. So now, even if ya recover at all, yer gonna have heavy scarring, you stupid bitch."

Van forced himself to look at Irvine. He. Looked. Livid.

Van closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He pictured Zell's smile, when he had first met him here, in this room.

Holy light began blazing through the thick bandages around Van's neck. The gauze unravelled itself revealing blinding light. When the light faded away, Van's smooth, unblemished neck was all that remained.

Irvine looked stunned.

Van sat up and swung his legs off the bed towards the cowboy. "Better?"

"Ah...yeah...that about does it."

"How did Seifer find me?"

Irvine sighed. "He said you were actin' funny so he was following you. When you found Zell's note, and took off outta here after 'em, he tailed you. Apparently, you moved faster than he could and he ended up losin' you for a while, and by the time he caught up with you, that Caterchipillar was already eatin' you. He shot the fucker and brought you back here."

So, that's what that loud bang was. A gunshot.

"Why didn't you just tell us what happened?"

"Because...because...," Van slid his face into his hands, and came completely undone.

Irvine sat beside him and wrapped an arm around him. "Because you felt like you fucked up and wanted to fix it, right?"

Van was sobbing too hard to give an answer, but Irvine understood. So he just waited for Van to get it all out of his system.

Eventually, he calmed down and looked up at Irvine. "I'm going back. I have to find him."

Irvine shook his head. "Van, I'm sorry darlin', but ya can't, you-"

Van reached up and caressed the side of Irvine's face. There was a flash of light and the cowboy became still. His eyes darted around trying to force himself to move, but he was paralyzed by Van's holy light.

"I'm sorry, but yes, I will," he said as he tossed his hair over his shoulder.

Van got up and left.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Zell couldn't afford to keep his habit he'd developed, so when James, the guy who had met him in the bar approached him, he wasn't surprised.

"Ran outta cash, hey Zell?"

"Look man, I'll come up with the money, just don't hold out on me." Zell practically begged. He already needed his next fix.

"Nah, man. I ain't gonna hold out on ya! I just thought, given your position, you might be interested in a little work. You know, to keep your cash supplies well stocked."

"Yeah, for sure, anything."

James smiled.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Van had made it to the entrance by the time he was accosted. Irvine must have had some resistance to break out of his prayer like that.

Squall was standing in the gate way with Quistis. When Van came to a stop, he realized Selphie and Siefer were coming up behind him.

"Taking a walk?" Squall asked, his tone without any humor.

"I...why are you all trying to stop me! Don't you care about him? I have to _fix_ this!" Van yelled.

Irvine had caught up with the rest of them. "We ain't tryin' to stop you, darlin'. If you had just listened to me in the first place, you'd know I was gonna say this is yer seventh-"

And then light began to flow endlessly out from a point in space next to Van. When it had cleared enough for anyone to see, Selenia was standing beside him.

"-day." Irvine finished lamely.

Van looked like he had just been slapped.

"Have We missed something? You seem less pleased to see Us this time around, Our chosen." Selenia said with haunting voice.

"I..." started Van, before he slumped to the ground in a dead faint.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

"Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" Zell muttered.

The soldiers ran passed the alleyway Zell was hiding in and he let out a sigh of relief.

James had given him work, alright. Fuckin' _robbery_!

He had done just like James said, and gotten the money, but not before the Esthar City Soldiers had nearly busted him.

He had to get back, now! Zell began working his way towards the hideout clutching his bag of money.

When he arrived, he walked up to James and tossed it at him.

"Nice work, Zell! Here ya go man, well deserved payment." James handed him a couple of vials of the shit.

Zell grabbed them and walked over to his corner and began the process of injecting them into himself.

While he was waiting for the effects to take over, James came up to him.

"Hey, man. Again, great work."

"Whatever," Zell said, wishing his high would come as fast as it did before. Maybe he'd have to start taking more?

"No, really, man. I mean it. In fact, I gotta little bonus for ya."

Zell glanced up at him, and James made a beckoning motion to someone Zell couldn't see.

A blonde girl with huge tits came to his call with a sly smirk on her face.

Zell suddenly realized what this 'bonus' was. "Ah, no thanks man. I don't need that."

James raised an eyebrow. "Sure ya do. Young guys like us need all the pussy we can get. You don't want anyone around here thinking you're a fag now, do ya?"

Zell pictured Van in his mind, one last time as the high took hold of him. The girl slinked over to him and leaned over, putting her hards on his shorts to undo the button. The image of Van faded from his mind as the drug took over completely.

James was still smiling.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

They had brought Van back to the Infirmary as it was the closest place with a bed. He had come to relatively quickly, and everyone had left the room at Selenia's request.

"They've been in there for a long time," said Selphie. She was sitting on the floor leaning up against the wall next to Squall.

Siefer was surprised Squall we even still here. He figured the great Commander would have lost interest or had to go back to work or something. He must have taken a liking to the kid.

Just as Quistis was going to suggest someone should check on them, there was a flash of light from under the door.

Irvine had to hit the keypad four times before the door responded and opened it to find...nothing.

Van and Selenia were gone.

"They're gone," he said, redundantly. "I guess that's that then. So, what do we do now?"

Quistis was first to speak. "I...I guess we should-" she stammered before she was interrupted.

"_Go! Quickly! Vanity has fled..."_

The entire group heard Selenia's disembodied voice and then Irvine shouted, "The window is open!"

Selphie, without missing a beat, sprang like a nimble cat into the room, over the bed, and out the window. She saw Van running full steam in the grass along the side of Garden. She took off after him like a shot, and thought he had a lead on her, he was no match for her training. She spear-tackled him around the middle and they both tumbled over each other before coming to a rest.

They were both desperatly trying to catch their breaths when the others caught up to them.

"What the _fuck_, kid!" Seifer snapped.

Selenia appeared beside her sprawled Saint. "Forgive Us, We had no idea he would take things this far."

"We...th-thought...you guys...w-went back home..." wheezed Selphie.

Selenia shook her head sadly and the temperature dropped a few degrees.

"Vanity has declined Us. He has chosen to forsake his own world, in favor of yours. He is determined to find the one named Zell. We asked him if he was certain and he said he was. So, We departed. No sooner had We left, did he flee through the window."

Everyone looked down at Van. His white robes were scuffed with dirt and stained with blood. His usually immaculate long hair was sweaty and in complete disarray. Even his normally soft, beautiful features were drawn and hard.

Selphie felt a knot in her stomach. "_He's in love."_

"Van...are...are you sure this is what you want?" Quistis kneeled down next to him. "What if your Goddess can't come back and get you later?"

"We cannot. We have informed Our Vanity of this, and still he remains determined. If he does not leave with Us now, he will never be able to return to the world he calls home." Selenia said, with a hint of sadness.

But, not enough sadness to be coming from one who was supposedly losing her Chosen. Squall's eyes narrowed.

"You're speaking as though this isn't really a big deal if you lose him or not."

Selenia looked at him, shocked.

"We love Our Vanity, make no mistake, Squall."

"Then why are you not as upset as someone who truly had something to lose?" He was holding the goddess' gaze, unblinkingly.

Selenia frowned slightly and the earth shook minorly, as the plates holding up the crust shifted.

"You would question Us?"

"Yeah. You're damn right I'm questioning you. I don't understand how you could _speak_ about someone so carelessly if they were so important to you. And, sorry, but we happen to be friends with the guy, and if he's incapable, then I'll stand up for him."

The entire collected group stared at their leader silently. Even Seifer, for once, had nothing to say.

The Goddess did not move, did not smile. She just continued to hold Squall's gaze with an unnerving one of her own.

Finally, after a long, tense silence, she spoke, "We are pleased to see he has made such loyal friends. But, allow Us to explain something to you, mortal, that you seem to have missed in your judgement of Us."

She looked down at Van, who looked straight down at the floor, clearly ashamed of the way he had been acting.

"When Vanity declined Us, he knew, full well, that he was revoking his own right as a Heavenly Saint...as Our chosen."

Squall was about to interrupt, but she held up a slender hand. "Let Us finish."

"His whole life had been leading him up to what he now has. He has Our power, Our trust, Our undying love, but still he has chosen, after two short weeks, to throw it all away for one whom he had just met."

Selenia smiled to herself.

"That...is love. Mortal love. And, it is a love that We...no, any god or goddess could never imitate. He has chosen one that he is willing to fight for, to sacrifice for, to die for. He so willingly threw away his life...threw away Us...for love."

The goddess looked upwards, towards the sky, and she began to rise.

"If Our chosen would scour this realm for the one he loves, than We will not stand in his way. We will not shed tears or express sorrows. Why should We? He has, by denouncing Our will, honored the very thing We stand for most of all."

She began to glow with such brilliance, even Squall couldn't keep his gaze on her.

From the light she spoke, "So, go, Vanity. Leave Us for another. But, We will not be saddend. For, even in all of this, even in you attempting to revoke your own powers as a Saint, even in you telling Us to leave you, in you casting _Us_ aside ...you go as Our chosen. As Our beloved. Your rank as Heavenly Saint has been lifted. You will be, now and forever, Our Favored, and though you will never see it, We will rearrange the stars of your world and fashion a constellation in your image."

The light faded, leaving them all in a stunned silence.

Van slowly began to rise until he was on his feet. Staring at the spot where Selenia had just departed from.

"_And that, dear mortal, is why We speak as We do."_

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Zell smashed his fist through the wall.

He was sitting in the clinic and had just gotten his test results. That fucking bitch gave him something.

He had asked the doctor what treatment methods there were, and the doctor just shook his head sadly.

Zell knew what that meant.

Incurable.

So, now, for the rest of his life, he was stuck with this disease. This curse. This dirt little secret that turned his blood to a toxin that would infect anyone else who he ever had sex with. Ever got close to.

He stormed out of the clinic and headed for James'.

He was the last person Zell wanted to see right now, but he had his shit.

And fuck...Zell needed a reason to feel good right now.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

The next day, Selphie went to check on Van. After his goddess left, he had simply gotten up, retreated to his room, and remained there for the rest of the night.

Everyone kinda understood and left him to it.

Selphie knocked on his door at the breakfast hour. There was no response.

Quistis thought this problem might arise and gave her the Master Code which would unlock his room. Selphie punched it in, and the door slid open.

But, Van wasn't here.

Selphie whirled around and bolted up the way she came, down the corridor into the foyer. "_Fuuuuck, where would I be if my goddess just left me forever?"_

Then she knew.

Selphie ran outside of Garden and towards Selenia's Field. She could see him standing there, amongst the flowers...with...was that a knife!

Selphie full out sprinted, fully intending to deliver another of her increasingly popular spear tackles. Maybe she'd get them patented.

As she approached her friend, and prepared herself to spring, Van turned around to face her and she froze. He was gonna..."NO, DON'T!" she screamed.

But, it was too late.

The blade came out and down before being dropped. It fell to the ground and kicked up a cloud of dust.

She looked at her friend with tears streaming out of her eyes, as she felt something inside of her break; like a dam bursting under too much pressure.

Van slowly fell to his knees, his eyes closing, and his clenched fist fell limply to his side.

"Van...why...?" Selphie sobbed, falling to her own knees in front of him. "Why would you..." her voice trailed away and she brushed her hand over the side of Van's pale face.

His eyes snapped open. "My name is Vanity," he said, his voice full of conviction, as his fingers unclenched, and his immaculate endless hair, fell to the earth.


	10. Caught in the Storm

Alright, I would like to apologize, formally, for my horrible spelling of Seifer's name. I am aware it is spelled Seifer, and I try to keep it that way as often as I can. I am dyslexic and have a difficult time with 'ie" and 'ei'. I will try to keep it perfectly spelled from this point on, just have a little patience.

Chapter 10 - Caught in the Storm

It had been 6 months since Vanity cut off all his hair.

Everyone had been shocked seeing him for the first time as he came back into Garden with Selphie.

"D-darlin'?" the cowboy had squeaked.

Even Seifer seemed moved, if that were at all possible. His eyes just followed Vanity's hair from the root down to where it ended, just at chin level. "We'll find him." That's all he said.

The Saint, if he could still be called that, had changed drastically since that day.

He took to training - hard.

Selphie had been there, the first time he walked purposefully into the Training Grounds.

Vanity had called his staff the moment they walked in.

"Come, Benevolence," he called to it, flatly.

Selphie drew her nunchaku and was prepared to keep walking, but he didn't move.

He just kept staring down at his staff with a vacant, almost sad expression.

"What's wrong, Van...ity?" she forced herself to finish his name.

He just held out his staff. "Just saying goodbye."

Before she could ask what he meant, the staff rose upwards, out of his hand and began to glow. It's shaft lengthened and the dove melded back into it's form. Before she could so much as comment, it split into two equal lengths and each reformed themselves; hilts appearing at one end; each with a single sharp dove's wing acting as a parry, and twin deadly blades at the other.

"The Pain of Sodom and the Agony of Gomorrah," he said, taking Sodom into his left hand while wielding Gomorrah in his right.

And she never needed to ask why they had such dark names. Pain and Agony explained it all.

Vanity whirled them around his body effortlessly, as though he had been doing it all his life. Blow after blow was landed on whatever creature came out to challenge them; each of their wicked blades biting deep into flesh and cleaving through it.

Vanity had stunned her into simply watching. He moved like a vengeful angel, descended down onto earth to seek retribution for his goddess. Corpses of creatures; _dozens_ of them, littered his wake. Until, he had found what he sought.

A T-Rexaur.

"Vanity, no!" she had cried, but he didn't even stop.

The boy leapt into the air, leading with Gomorrah. The blade sunk deep into the monster's neck and it howled in rage.

The jurassic creature shook violently, and Vanity had been flung off. His body flew towards a tree at the edge of the clearing and Selphie's stomach flipped in anticipation of the *crunch* she was sure would follow.

But it didn't. Vanity twisted his body around and hit the tree with his feet, bending his knees, and springing himself off and back to the carnivore. Once again, Gomorrah tasted blood as he drove it into the creature's chest, and this time, Sodom too would know battle as he swung himself up around it's neck, and sunk Gomorrah's twin down deep.

The creature let loose one last roar, and stumbled forward and collapsed.

Vanity just retrieved his blades and said nothing.

And that was his routine. Day after day he would return to the Training Grounds and seek another T-Rexaur to slay.

After several weeks of this, Vanity's attire changed as well. He no longer wore his white robes. Instead he favored a simple black tank top, and light blue jeans that fit his form.

"_Just like Zell," _Quistis had thought upon seeing him for the first time in his new clothes.

After the months of hard training, his body began to change. He retained his slim form, but his chest and shoulders expanded with muscle.

He was looking at himself in the mirror, admiring what had happened to him in such a short amount of time. "_Fine," _he had thought. "_if I can't be a Saint, then I'll just be an Avenger."_

Even as this new, improved, ideal image of himself was in his mind, he couldn't help but wonder, "_Will Zell still find me attractive?"_

It was true, he had lost his soft, beautiful features. They were now hardened, more masculine, more pronounced. But, they were still there. He was still him.

After the initial apathy consumed Vanity as he threw himself at his training, Selphie was pleased to see, eventually, his old spark starting to come back. She was worried he'd turn into another Seifer.

But, as the months went by, the two of them still chattered endlessly about nothing. They'd had little slumber parties, filled with alcohol and horror movies. Things were still good.

He'd even gone on a mission! Squall had sent Selphie and Quistis to a remote village somewhere to take care of a small uprising. And the Commander had asked if Vanity would like to go with them and test out his new abilities. Sure the mission was only for a few days, but he'd done it!

The only downfall to Vanity's renovations, was that guys started taking an interest him.

They started popping up left, right and center asking him out on a date or for lunch, or just plain sex.

Some were softspoken, like he used to be; the real swishy kind. Others were more masculine, like Zell.

Zell.

Oh, they had tried to find him. Vanity would never have let it go without an effort. But, ever since that first time, he couldn't seem to get his prayers to locate him.

He had told Squall where his old staff had pointed, and Squall, himself, went in that direction. Apparently a town called Balamb was there.

Squall had come back empty handed. Zell had arrived in town, taken a train and gone somewhere.

_Somewhere._

That was it. No other information. Vanity had had his one shot, with Benevolence. And he'd failed.

So, they resigned themselves to waiting. Hoping that, one day, they'd hear something more.

But, as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, they'd began to lose hope. Seifer even suggested maybe, just maybe, Zell wasn't even alive anymore.

Vanity shot him down. Instantly.

"That's not possible," he'd said. "I'd know."

So, they waited. Life went on. Squall still ran the Garden. Seifer was still a dick. Vanity still prayed for his safe return.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

It was storming pretty bad out. A harsh crack of thunder had woken Vanity in the middle of the night.

He tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but it was too late. He was _awake_ now.

He got out of bed and cursed the damn storm. How fucking dare it?

He had decided, that since he couldn't sleep, maybe he would sneak to the Library. He hadn't been in there since _that night_.

He crept silently through the halls, now oweing more to his training than to his softness.

As he arrived in the foyer he stopped at the map of Garden that he was looking at when he first met Selphie. That seemed so long ago.

He was just standing there, lost in his memory, when he heard -no, _felt-_ someone come up behind him. He turned around to face the midnight intruder and he nearly passed out.

Zell was back.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Zell had come running through the rain; up the road that connected Balamb with Garden.

He couldn't take it in Esthar anymore. So he had beat up Jason, stolen a bunch of Eden's Tears, and hightailed it out of there. He'd made it all the way back to Balamb safely, and was on his way back to Garden.

He stopped outside of it and looked up. Even among the rain Zell could feel his tears rushing down his face. He was _home._

He had crept into the entrance and jumped the gates. He didn't want anyone to know he was back until morning. That way he could clean himself, and shoot up, without anyone noticing.

He had made his way into the foyer, and almost walked into the dude standing in front of the map to Garden.

"Whoa! Sorry, man. I didn't even see you standing there," he said by way of an apology when the guy spun around.

"_Shiiiiiiiit, this dude is fucking hot._" Zell blinked, then gave his head a shake. "Guess I'm busted, huh?"

Vanity tried very hard to control his breathing. Zell...didn't even recognize him. Fuck, he barely recognized Zell. His face was drawn and dirty and his hair was a greasy mass. His clothes, the same ones he'd left in, were bare threads now and looked like they hadn't been washed. They just hung off his body. His body. It was once the most beautiful thing Vanity had ever seen. Now it was just some wasted shadow of what it once was.

"Guess so. Let's go see the Commander."

Zell sized the guy up, wondering if he could take him. He quickly put the thought to rest as he didn't want his reappearence to be flagged with a brawl. Plus the dude looked like he could mop the floor with him. It might have been different back in the day...

"Yeah, alright. Hey, I don't recognize you. What's your name? I'm Zell."

"Vanity."

"Really? That's kind of a gay name for a dude," Zell said mildly.

"Mmm." Vanity responded.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, up the elevator and to Squall's office. Vanity knocked, loudly.

"Man, you've really got some balls knocking on his door this late that loudly," Zell said, grinning.

Vanity just stared ahead and tried to force his breathing to remain even.

The door swung open and a very tired, _very_ pissed off looking Squall opened it, "Yes!" he barked.

"A Zell has come looking for you, Commander."

Squall's eyes snapped to the filthy blond standing next to Vanity.

"Heya, buddy...long time no see, huh?" said Zell.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

It only took 6 minutes for everyone to be gathered in Squalls office. Even Rinoa showed up for this. Nobody had even bothered getting changed.

Vanity stood by the door, leaning against it, while the rest of them gathered around Zell.

"Where have you been?" Squall asked, his tone unreadable.

"Right to the point, eh? Alright, I was in Esthar."

Quistis blinked. "In Esthar! Why?"

Zell's face cracked into a sneer. "Because I couldn't fucking handle it anymore. You know what I'm talking about."

He lowered his gaze to the floor.

"Yeah, well, by the look of you, you couldn't have handled it too well in Esthar either," Seifer smirked.

"Fuck you, Seifer," he snapped.

Quistis interrupted. "So, what is your game plan, Zell? Have you decided to return to us or are you going to run away again?"

Zell glanced at Quistis. "No, I'm back. For good. I'm done with all that. If you'll still have me, I mean..."

Quistis glanced at Squall. Squall just gazed at Zell.

"Go get yourself cleaned up, Zell."

Zell's scarred face split into a grin. "Thanks buddy." He turned as though he was about to leave, when he stopped. He wasn't fooling anybody.

"Oh, by the way, whatever happened to...to Van?"

"Oh, you're concerned about him, are ya, darlin'?"

"W-well, I just meant...no, not really. I was just asking."

"Well, if you don't care, don't bother asking," Quistis replied.

Zell bit his lip. He lowered his face to the ground. "I do care," he mumbled.

"Sorry? What was that, Zell? I couldn't hear you," Selphie said, the usually sweet tone she took with him was amplified to liquid sugar but with traces of arsenic.

"I said I fucking care, alright! I care so much it fucking hurts." His head snapped up and he glared at, strangely enough, Squall.

"Well, it's a long story," the commander replied, calmly.

"I want to hear it."

"Oh, yeah? Well, I'd like to tell it to ya, darlin'," spat Irvine. "See, after you left, Van figured out a plan to get himself sent back home. He needed six of us in order to get it just right. Can you guess which of the six didn't show up?"

Zell looked down at the ground.

"Oh riiiight," chimed in Selphie, "it was _you!_" So, anyways, Rinoa filled in and we managed to put the plan into action. And guess what? It worked!"

"It-it worked?" Zell managed to choke. "So, Van is...he's gone?"

"Mmm not quite," said Rinoa. "You see, after we all pitched in and summoned Van's goddess here, she offered to take Van home. So he said all his goodbyes...well, most of them."

"But, for some unknown reason," Quistis picked up from where Rinoa left off, "he just couldn't bring himself to leave without saying goodbye to you. So, there he sat, slumped down to his knees in front of his goddess, and told her her couldn't leave."

"I...I didn't...," Zell muttered. Either no one heard him, or no one cared.

"So," Squall continued, "She gave him seven days. Seven days to get his affairs in order before they would have to depart forever."

"And every fucking day, he waited for you," Seifer snapped. "Every hour on the hour, at your door, knocking."

Zell's legs started to shake, and his knees threatened to drop him.

"So, then, and this is the good part, darlin', you'll love this; so _then, _Van gets upset that you won't answer after about 3 _fucking_ days of knockin'. And he forces yer door open, where he sees yer room, the way you left it and yer note. The kid bolts outta here like a bat outta hell, with nothin' but his staff charging off tryin' to find _you._"

"No more," Zell croaked.

"Well," Selphie shrieked, tears spilling onto her cheeks, "he didn't get very far. Just about the forest between here and Balamb when a Caterchipillar found him and tore his _FUCKING_ THROAT OUT!"

Zell felt as though he was got in one of Diablos' gravity spells. Everything slowed down and felt distorted. He hands weighed a million pounds as his knees, true to their word, collapsed underneath him and he slid to the floor.

With tears streaming down his face, he looked up at the group who were watching him with unreadable faces, except Selphie who was visably shaken.

"He's...he's dead?" This was it. Zell knew he had finally hit rock bottom.

Quistis bit back a choked sob and had to mentally kick herself, as she almost felt for sorry for Zell. She walked over towards the cabinet Squall had in his office, and helped herself to a bottle of vodka.

"No, he ain't dead, darlin'. Seifer got there in the nick of time and saved him."

Zell jerked his head towards Seifer. "S-seifer, you-oh, thank you..."

Seifer's eyes flashed intensly. "I didn't do it for you."

Zell looked down at the ground again. "So, then he's still..."

"Oh, we aren't done yet, Zell," Rinoa continued. "So, after he was rushed back here, where we didn't have the funds or supplies to treat his 'physically-crippling-for-life' wounds properly, he remained completely unconscious until his seventh day."

"The day his goddess came back for him," Squall clarified. "Or what was left of him."

"Please, stop. I don't want to hear anymore." Zell said, rather forcefully for someone who felt like he had no backbone.

Quistis had pulled herself back together and returned to the group. "So, she was a little, shall we say concerned, with Van's wellbeing at this point, a mere seven days later. And told him, they had best be off immediately. Can you guess what happened next, Zell?"

"No...no I don't want to-."

"Well, he looked at his goddess and told her, as nice as you please, that he couldn't go back, because somewhere out there, was Zell. And he couldn't leave until he found him," Seifer informed him. "So, his goddess says, Van, if you don't come now, you give up your Sainthood, and you can never come home again. And he looked at her; he _looked_ right at her, you piece of shit, and told her that wasn't leaving. He told her he wasn't leaving...because he _loved_ you."

Zell was staring blankly ahead. His mind had completely shut itself down. Until Selphie walked up and slapped him back into reality. His shocked eyes jerking up to meet her gaze. She just looked back down at him. "_With the same disgusted look his reflections had..."_ Zell thought. All those months ago.

Zell stood up, on shaking legs. "Where is he?"

"Who, Van? Oh, he's gone. Long gone, actually," Selphie said. "It's funny, after his goddess departed, leaving him behind, he went to his room, to his bed, and the very next day, he got up and left. He hasn't been back since."

Zell whirled around and started heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" Squall asked.

"I'm going to find him," Zell said without stopping. "I'll find him if it fucking kills me."

Zell approached the door and reached out to open it. Vanity's hand swung out and stopped the door from moving. "If you leave in that state, it just may kill you."

"Move your arm."

"Who do you think you're talking to?"

"I don't give a _fuck_ who you are, move your fucking arm!" Zell snarled.

"Zell. Look at me. Really look at me. Who do you _think_ you're talking to?"

Zell stared at the guy. What the _fuck _was he talking-

An image of Van came to his mind. The same one that he had pictured a thousand times in Esthar. The one that helped him block out any shit he was dealing with. The one that haunted him in between highs.

And then that image overlapped itself with this Vanity. And it all fucking clicked.

Van's full name...was Vanity.

Zell looked at him, with his mouth hanging slightly open. He reached his hand up around Vanity's neck. "Your...your hair...you-"

"Are you going to kiss me or not?"

Zell felt the tattered remains of heart nearly burst. Even after all this time...even after what he did to him...even though Zell looked like a strung out homeless person...he still wanted him...

Zell almost kissed him...then he remembered.

He was toxic.

He slowly let go of Vanity's neck and lowered his arm, taking a step back.

A look of pain beyond human tolerance crossed Vanity's features before disappearing in a flash. "Commander, if you'll excuse me."

Zell watched him walk out the door.

Quistis lowered her head. Rinoa bit her lip. Selphie stuffed her whole hand in her mouth to stop from crying out loud.

Squall put a hand to his forehead. "Your room is where you remember it."

The group started walking to the door, walking around Zell.

On his way by, Seifer snarled, "Great to have you back, Zell."

Zell looked up, surprised. "You called me by my name? What happened to Chickenwuss?"

Seifer kept walking. "Don't be stupid. That was back when I just disliked you. Now I fucking hate sharing the same air with you."


	11. Rachael

Chapter 11 - Rachael

Zell hung the new mirror up on his wall and looked at himself in it.

He had showered and changed and tried to make himself look presentable, but it was a paperthin disguise and he knew it.

His hollow, sunken eyes gazed back at him from his heavily scarred and pockmarked face. During some of his bad trips, he had picked at himself, leaving behind a witch's mask. His hair was, though clean, dull and lifeless as though tainted from all the drugs.

He looked down at his chest and stomach. They had once been a dazzling display of male perfection. Now they were skin tight, and stretched and covered with imperfections from his hard life in Esthar.

And his arms. They were what any girl would have dreamed about wrapping around them. And they still weren't terrible if you could ignore what malnutrition did to the body...and his tracks.

His _tracks_.

The ugly reminders of what he had put into his body. The angry little marks that threatend to reveal him to anyone who caught sight of them.

Zell glared down at them.

He didn't want this for his life. He just didn't have any choice. He was backed into a corner.

Right?

Zell walked over to his bag and took out a vial of Eden's Tears and a syringe. He set everything up, shot it into his bicep and laid down on the bed, waiting for the good feelings to come and save him.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

"_What the fuck?"_ Zell thought, as his looked around. Everything was white.

And not the kind of white like Vanity's holy light. That was a peaceful white. This kind of white reminded Zell of a page that hadn't been drawn on yet. It made him feel like he was alone in the universe.

Except he wasn't alone.

Zell could see her walking. She was looking around nervously, as though the whiteness scared her too.

He jogged towards her. "Hey! Over here!"

The girl looked up, shocked at the sudden sound, but her face eased into one of relief when she saw another human running to her.

Zell slowed to a stop in front of her. "Hey, are you alright?"

His eyes did a once over on her. She had blonde hair, pulled back into a ponytail that came down to her lower back. Her sparkling blue eyes looked a lot like Zell's, back when he was healthier. Now they just outshone his completely. She was wearing a white bellytop and a pair of cute, but tight, dark blue capris. This girl was a knockout, and yet, Zell noticed that his heart didn't even skip a beat. He still would rather have had Vanity.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied. "But...are you? You look like you've been through the ringer."

Zell attempted a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just made some bad choices, is all. What's your name?"

"Rachael. What's yours?"

"Zell."

"Well, Zell, where the heck are we, and how do we get out of here?"

Zell looked around. No matter which way he turned he was in endless whiteness. Not only was there not any discernible exit, there wasn't even a discernible pathway to _take_.

"Honestly..I don't know. I got lost here, too." he admitted.

Rachael sighed. "Great. I guess I'm not gonna make it to my date tonight."

"You had a date tonight? Well, we better figure out how to get you outta here then. That guy's gonna be walking on air all day knowing he got a date with a babe like you. I can't just sit by and let him get crushed like that." said Zell.

Rachael raised him an eyebrow. "Are you hitting on me?"

"No, I mean it. You're a good-looking girl."

She didn't look like she believed him for a second. "Right, well, thank you."

Zell just smiled. "Come on, let's start walking this way."

The pair set out, wandering into the endless white. Rachael has holding onto either of her elbows and wasn't saying much. Zell tried to be casual. "What's up?"

Rachael glanced at him. "I'm just wondering if you're really trying to help me get out of here, or if you're luring me deeper in."

Zell sighed. "Look, sweetheart. You're a great-looking girl. But, I'm already in love with someone and, due to those bad choices I mentioned earlier, that's kind of taking up all my spare energy right now."

"What's her name?" Rachael asked, still a little cautious.

"Vanity." replied Zell, not looking at her.

"She has a pretty name."

"Vanity is a guy."

Rachael stopped. Zell turned himself back around and looked at her.

Rachael stood there for a second, processing the information. Finally, her face which she had been forcing herself to remain indifferent, broke into an expression of relief as she ran forward and hugged Zell.

Zell blinked. "What the-?"

Racahel pulled herself back. "I was so worried you were a rapist. No offence, you look so rough around the edges, but you're not even interested in girls!"

Zell forced himself not to laugh. "Yeah, I get that alot."

"I've never had a gay friend before." Racahel said as she started walking again.

Zell kept up. "Yeah, I didn't even know I was until I met this guy. I still don't even know if I am. He's the only one that I've ever been into."

Rachael nodded, as if she understood. "But, it feels like, even if you aren't into any other guy, you're also not into any other girl anymore either? Like your heart has stopped searching completely?"

Zell looked at her and blinked. "That's...exactly how it feels."

Rachael smiled at him. "See? I'm pretty smart. So, why isn't you and him being together a good thing? You said it took all your spare energy."

Zell sighed. "Like I said. I made a lot of dumb choices, and now I can't have him."

The blonde girl pondered. "What choices were those?

"I don't want to talk about that," Zell said, shaking his head.

"You never know," she said softly, "maybe talking about it, with someone you don't know, will help."

"It won't," he said flatly.

"How do you know?"

Zell whipped his head around at her, and before he could stop himself, it all came blurting out. "I ran away from our school because I couldn't handle the pressure of everyone thinking I was in love with a guy. When he figured it out, he almost got killed trying to come after me. I ended up in a huge city where I turned to drugs and crime to support my habit, and I ended up catching..." he trailed off.

"Catching what?"

"Everyone's Grudge."

'What's that?"

"And incurable disease you get from having sex with someone who has it."

Rachael bit her lip. "And that's why..."

"Exactly..."

The pair continued to walk in silence. Rachael seemed to be mulling over all the information Zell had felt that he shoved down her throat.

"Hey, Rachael, I'm sorry about that..."

"Don't be. The way it all came out, it sounds to me like you really needed to talk to someone," she replied.

Zell chuckled, "I do feel a bit better."

Rachael turned her head to Zell and was about to say something when the ground (or whatever they were walking on) exploded, revealing an inky black darkness.

Rachael ended up getting knocked backwards to safety, but Zell had to grab onto a jagged edge of white to avoid being swallowed by the hole.

"Shiiiiit," he cried. He was barely hanging on by his hands.

Rachael opened her eyes, hearing her new friend cry out. She crawled over to the hole, and saw him suspended over, what had to be, a bottomless pit.

"Hang on!" she screamed, looking around for anything she could use.

Seeing nothing she turned back toward Zell's dangling body.

"I...I don't think I can," Zell stuggled to say. The drugs had robbed him of all his strength and vigor. He was now weak, and pathetic.

Rachael grabbed onto his arm and tried to pull him up, but it was no use. Even his diminished form was too much for her slender frame to pull.

Zell's fingers slipped, inch by inch, until the last one gave way and he fell. He felt Rachael's hands give one last effort to stop him from falling as he was wrenched out of her grasp.

"ZEEELLLLLLLLLLL!" she screamed, looking down into the pit as Zell was swallowed whole by the darkness.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Zell woke up with a start.

He had been having a nightmare, he was sure, but he couldn't remember what it was. The only thing he could say for certain, was he wanted to see _him_.

As the light of the early morning sun was peeking through his window he figured he could catch him on his way to breakfast. Maybe even a little before he left if Zell hurried.

Zell got out of his bed and jumped into the shower, letting himself pretend that, as the hot water was rushing over his body, he was actually clean.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Vanity had just finished getting himself ready to start the day when there was a knock at the door.

He walked over and hit the Open button.

"Hey," Zell said, sheepishly.

"Can I help you?" Vanity's tone wasn't quite cold, but it wasn't exactly warm either.

"Can I come in?"

Vanity just walked away from the door and Zell took that as a yes. The door slid closed behind him.

Zell stood there for a second watching the boy he wanted pretend to be cleaning.

"I've missed you, you know." Zell said.

"Really, because you didn't act like it back up in Squall's office last night," he snapped.

"Van, I'm sorry. I just..."

Zell looked down, miserably.

"You just what? I'm not a fucking mind reader, Zell! You have to tell me what you're thinking." yelled Vanity.

Zell blinked. Vanity had never yelled at him before. Even in Squall's office when he made the two of them apologize to each other. That was more exasperation than _yelling._

"You...you just don't..." Zell stammered, trying to form words.

Vanity had had enough. He walked across the room in 2 steps, and grabbed Zell's waist and crushed himself into Zell's groin. Zell nearly shot his load right there.

"Uhnn," the blond moaned.

Vanity took the opportunity of Zell's opened mouth and wrapped his own around it, slipping his tongue inside. Zell's eyes snapped shut and he swirled his own tongue to meet Vanity's. The two of them played with each other inside the other's mouth until air became a necessity. Even the breath they took was a split-second long before their lips were right back together. Zell's hand had come back up to Vanity's neck and was pulling him hard into himself, like he would never let him go.

It wasn't until Zell felt Vanity's hand that everything changed. The boy brought his hand down from Zell's waist and to the front where his shorts were buttoned together. Without even stopping, his hand slipped down Zell's front, into his boxers and Zell felt his fingers wrap around his quickly hardening cock.

His eyes flew open and he shoved Vanity-hard. The boy flew back and tripped over his bed where he landed, on his ass, amongst the covers.

"I...I can't, Van...please..." Zell tried to say.

Vanity just looked stunned. Zell just _shoved_ him.

"Van I, listen to me...you're..." he, again, tried to force out.

Vanity's eyes snapped into focus. "Fear the Light," he whispered.

Instantly, Zell was terrified. It was as though his darkest nightmare had materialized in front of him, and Zell took off running. He ran, through the corridors and the hallways, through the foyer and out the entrance, through the grass and through Selenia's Field, and down the road.

His legs were screaming in protest and his lungs were to their bursting point, but he couldn't stop himself. He just kept running.

He was halfway to Balamb when the fear subsided and the prayer lost it's effect. Zell collapsed in a dead faint.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Zell could feel a finger poking him.

"Zell! Say something!" the voice said.

Zell groaned and opened his eyes.

It was Rachael.

"Oh, thank goodness. I thought you were..." her voice trailed off as she looked downward.

Zell sat up and looked around. He was back in the endless white. "I'm back here again?"

Rachael's eyes snapped up. "Back here? You mean, you got out?"

Zell explained what happened. "...and then I woke up back here."

Rachael bit her lip. "After you fell into the hole, it sealed itself up. I've been wandering around ever since until I saw you lying here."

"Sorry about that. But, at least you found me. I'd hate to be here by myself."

"Tell me about it," Rachael said, rather bitterly.

Before Zell could apologize for being so tasteless, a door appeared right beside them.

It was a simple, brown, wooden door with a brass knob.

They both stared at it in silence, both thinking the same thing. Would this lead them out?

Zell stood up and helped Rachael to her feet. She looked at Zell and nodded.

Zell reached for the knob and turned it. The door opened up and both of them were sucked in.

Right into Garden.

Zell looked around the foyer with a look of astonishment on his face.

"Where are we now?" Rachael asked, looking around as well.

"This is my school, my home," answered Zell.

"You live here?"

"Yeah but...it's so quiet. Where are all the students?"

"Well, let's take a look around. Maybe we'll find someone." Rachael placed her hand on his shoulder, soothingly.

Zell took the lead and he and Rachael walked the corridors. He took her to the Cafeteria, the Library, and Parking Lot, and the dorms. Even the Training Grounds was vacant of creatures. That's when Zell realized. "This might look like Garden, but it isn't real."

"So, we aren't out, then?" she looked down at the ground sadly.

"I guess not."

Zell led her back to his room and they sat on his bed.

"Hmm, okay let's think," Rachael began to theorize, "You fell into a hole and made it back to where you came from. Then you went and found your boyfriend and kissed him..."

"He kissed me," corrected Zell.

"Right, he kissed you, but you let him. And then when he tried to, well...take things further..." she said with a sly smirk on her face, "you shoved him and he cast a spell on you which made you run away until you passed out. Then you ended up back here."

"Pretty much," replied Zell, exasperatedly.

"_But_, when you woke up a door appeared. And we got to leave the world of white and end up here," Rachael went on, "So, we must have done something right."

"Like what?" asked Zell, looking at her curiously.

Rachaels eyes shone with realization.

"Zell! You let yourself kiss him! Maybe everytime we get closer to fixing your life, we get one step closer to getting out of here!"

"Really? But, what does my life have to do with you? You're stuck here too."

"Yes, well, maybe I'm just along for the ride. Or maybe I have to fix my life too before I can leave. But, that's not important. You're going through a lot of worse things than I am, right now. And we're friends. So, I'll help you." Rachael smiled, putting her hand on Zell's.

Zell was moved. "Rachael...thank you. I promise I'm gonna get you out of here too. And, when we're both back home, I'll come visit you."

Rachael giggled. "I'd like that."

She leaned over and gave Zell a hug. Zell closed his eyes and just let the feeling of another person wash over him. When she pulled back, she said "Okay, so you've let yourself be close to Vanity, however briefly. So what's next?"

Zell thought about it. He knew what the answer was, but he didn't want to say it.

"I think you know. You've gotta get off the drugs, Zell."

"I can't! I need them. You don't know what it's like to be without them when you need your fix." Zell shuddered at the thought of never having his high again.

"...well, you're right I don't." Rachael looked around the room and got up off the bed.

"Where are you going?" Zell asked her.

Rachael just wandered around the room, looking at his desk and laptop. She turned and saw his mirror, hanging on the wall, and her jaw dropped.

Zell looked over and tried to see what had surprised her so much.

"Zell, I-I can't see my reflection! But, there's someone else in here!" Rachael shrieked.

Zell jumped off the bed and came over to the mirror. "Hey, that's Selphie! Selphie!" he banged on the mirror.

Selphie was currently looking around Zell's room, presumably for him. After being satisfied that Zell wasn't hiding in a corner, she turned and began to leave.

"I don't think she can hear you." Rachael said.

"Do you think this mirror is showing us the real world?" Zell looked at Rachael.

"Hmm. Maybe. In fact, I have an idea. I'm gonna be stuck here anyways, right? So, how about this. Everytime you are about to take one of your drugs...just remember, I'm gonna be watching." She smiled at him. "And I don't think you want me to see something like that, do you?"

Zell had to admit, the idea of that was very unappealing. "B-but, Rache...I can't get through a day without..."

"Of course, you can! You got through years without them! The first few days are gonna be hard, sure...but, think about having a life free of their hold on you. And you're not just doing it for me. You're not even just doing it for yourself. You're doing it for _him_."

Vanity. Zell would kill for him. He'd kill himself, if he asked him to.

Maybe...he could do this for him?

"Alright. I'm gonna try, Rachael. Just...do me a favor. If I get weak...scream at the top of your lungs, okay?"

"Oh, you can bet I will!"


	12. Zell's Solution

Chapter 12 - Zell's Solution

Zell's day was going badly. He had come to on the road and was all stiff. He trudged back to Garden and had to fight with his cravings which were only getting worse.

He was currently standing in the shower, trying to relieve his soreness that wasn't entirely the hard road's fault, when there was a knock at this door.

He wrapped himself in a towel and walked over to the keypad and pushed the button, sliding the door open.

"Wow, you look like shit," Selphie commented.

"Thanks," he replied, shortly. His cravings were stressing him out.

"Anyways, Squall wanted to know if you're ready to take on missions, now that you've had a few days to get yourself together...but you look worse," she said flatly.

"What the hell is your problem?" Zell snapped. "Why are you talking to me like you don't give a shit?"

"Because I don't. After what you did to Vanity, you've proven that you aren't who I thought you were," Selphie snapped right back.

"And what kind of person did you think I was?" Zell was about to _lose_ it.

"Someone who cared about his friends. Someone who would be there for them when things were rough. Someone who wouldn't run away because he couldn't have his way. You know, a _decent_ person." Selphie said in a whirl of accusation.

"Get the fuck out." Zell fixed his gaze on her that clearly stated she was going to get hit.

"Ugh, why did you have to come back? Couldn't you have just stayed in Esthar?" she spat as she turned and left.

Zell punched the Close button so hard he thought it would break. The door slid closed.

He couldn't take it. The stress was too much. He walked over to his bag and got a vial and a syringe. He loaded it in and wrapped a rubber band around his arm.

This would be the last time. Rachael would understand.

He aimed the needle at the vein in his bicep when he thought he heard something.

Zell's head snapped up. Was that a scream?

His eyes went over to the mirror sitting silently on his wall. He got up and walked over to it and looked into the glass.

His own reflection looked back at him.

Zell moved his head around, trying to see if someone else was in there. He didn't see anything.

"I'm sorry. I tried," he muttered, defeated.

He walked back to his bed, sat down and aimed the needle back at his vein.

Zell waited to see if the scream would come again.

The room remained silent.

"This doesn't mean I don't love him..." he whispered, his eyes filling with tears.

Then he heard it. The scream.

The needle fell out of Zell's hand and fell to the floor. He put his head in his hands and broke down completely.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

"You know, I'm proud of you, right?" Rachael said, her eyes full of admiration.

"Thanks," Zell replied, seeing that look. "But, it was because you screamed that I didn't take it."

"Me screaming didn't stop you from picking it back up again. You did it all on your own, Zell!" she replied, looking down at him from the tall fence she was currently straddling.

Zell smiled up at her. They were in Esthar this time, and he was giving her a boost over a fence in between two buildings.

She flipped her leg over and dropped out of sight. He climbed up over after her and landed beside her.

She grinned at him and started walking down the alleyway.

Zell was starting to look forward to being with her. For one, he didn't seem to have any cravings whenever he was here, in this strange world that mimicked his own. And for two, it was nice to be able to talk to someone who didn't hate him or judge him. It was nice to just work together with someone as they wound their way down back alleys and empty highways.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked, noticing his smile.

"Heh, you. You're a really good friend, you know that, Rache?"

"Ugh, you aren't turning straight on me, are you?" she asked, squinting suspiciously at him.

Zell smiled and shook his head. His heart was Vanity's.

"Good, because I'd have had to kick your butt," she replied, punching him lightly in the shoulder.

He laughed. "I'll bet you could. Man, I'm fucking pathetic these days. You should have seen me before. I was..."

Zell flexed, clearly indicating how awesome he once was.

Rachael just rolled her eyes. "Well, every little step we take, we're getting closer to getting you back that way."

"Yeah, I know. Thank you, Rachael. I mean it. You've already helped so much. I don't know what I would do if I never met you."

She smiled at her friend. "Don't mention it, Zell. I just want to see you happy."

Zell grinned. "I am happy."

"_I wish I could believe that..." _Rachael thought, as she forced herself to keep smiling anyways.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Zell was sitting in the Cafeteria, with a cup of coffee in front of him, staring down at his lap when Vanity walked in.

"_Was is he wearing those sweaters in this heat?"_ he thought, before remembering he was mad at him.

He was going to go sit at another table but seeing Zell sitting there all by himself looking so miserable broke his heart. Vanity walked up to him and sat down.

Zell didn't even look up.

Vanity sat there for a long moment before breaking the silence, "Why did you push me?"

Zell's cravings had become full blown withdrawl at this point. He would have never responded the way he did otherwise.

Zell's head snapped up. "Because you touched my fucking cock, man. Why do you think I pushed you?"

A few people at nearby tables turned their heads around at Zell's outburst.

Vanity's eyes went wide.

"I..." he stammered.

Zell got up and stood right in front of him. "Fine, is this what you want?" He reached down his pants and pulled his cock out and slapped Vanity in the face with it. "Here you go! All yours!"

Vanity's head rocked back so far his chair flipped underneath him and sent him to the floor.

One of the onlookers gasped. A guy yelled to Zell, "Fuckin' knock him out!"

Vanity scrambled to his feet and looked straight at Zell. And then he said it.

Zell felt his breath leave his lungs as though the boy had punched him in the stomach.

He watched Vanity turn and run out of the Cafeteria and out of sight.

The blond was dimly aware of his dick still hanging out of his pants, and of the people nearby who were staring at him, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

His mind replayed the words over and over in his head. Like an endless litany.

Vanity had said the one thing that Zell couldn't take.

"_I hate you..."_

Zell was done.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

"I knew him coming back was too good to last," Squall said, shaking his head.

Selphie had found Vanity nearly in tears over what had happened. Unfortunately, someone had reported Zell for his indecent exposure, so she couldn't sweep it under the rug before Squall found out.

"Selphie, go get Zell and bring him here."

"...yes, Commander."

Selphie put her hand on Vanity's shoulder and gave him a squeeze before running off.

Squall turned and walked over to his desk and sat down before looking at Vanity.

"I'm sorry, Vanity. I just don't know what's up with him, lately."

Vanity didn't look up. "Me either..."

They waited in silence, both being untalkative for varying reasons, until Selphie came back.

She ran in, slightly out of breath, and without Zell, but she did not return alone.

"I can't find Zell anywhere! Someone said they saw him leaving Garden!" Selphie exclaimed.

Irvine, who had been accompanying Selphie, practically screamed "My gun is gone!"

Vanity was already running out the door.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

He was tearing out the entrance of Garden, when he saw Zell kneeling in Selenia's Field.

"ZELL!" he shouted, running up to him.

Zell looked at him with a strange look in his eyes. The look stopped Vanity in his tracks.

"Zell...don't-"

The gunshot echoed off of Garden and Zell fell over, his blood spraying out the back of his head and covering Selenia's beautiful flowers.

Vanity screamed, his voice rivaling that of the Exeter.

Zell was dead.


End file.
